If I were to make a list of everything I thought I should have been told before becoming a mother, time won’t suffice. Almost everyday it’s something new. And while I am able to find hope, and peace, and humor on most days, sometimes I am just stuck in a vicious circle of being tired as a mother.

Parenting as it is can be incredibly time and energy consuming, and I do believe nothing can prepare anyone for it. No matter how much anyone describes their experiences to you, or you become a diligent observer, your journey will have it’s own exclusive set of challenges.

For me it’s the tiredness, sleep deprivation, constantly being in a rush that really consumes me. And as you grow as a hormonal woman, your kids grow too, and so do the challenges you face. And it can be incredibly draining. I don’t know how to unwind as a mother, I think that’s a skill that is underrated. With all the nods and “same here” that I hear, I also want to hear about how moms cope. It took me years to even realise that it’s OK to want to take a break, and to wrap my mind around it not being a negative thing at all. In fact when I started to observe I noticed that many moms had figured out what works for them, either intentionally or their life was such that they didn’t have to consciously include unwinding into their mommy life.

When I asked around, I was told “I don’t know” by many, some said; “there’s no such thing as a break, you just get used to it” And I found it very unsettling, because I for some reason am still not able to cope. And when the whiny damsel in distress in you is at her peak, you feel life has dealt you the hardest mommy cards. But that’s not really true, what is true is that everyone is having it tough, but everyone doesn’t like to talk about it, or doesn’t feel safe to talk about it. There’s mommy guilt always brewing, and to add to that the confession version of your mommy self can be something most want to avoid, in fear of judgement. And yes, while we want to pat each other on the backs and say “We’re all in the same boat” we are judging other moms, sometimes in the most innocent manner to save ourselves and our self-critiquing minds from making ourselves feel worse.

I think a mom that is skeptical of herself is good, it shows you care. But I know plenty moms who are taking it to a level where nothing positive comes out of it, no growth. And yes, the journey is different for everyone, and the problems are tougher too. Some periods of our lives are smooth sailing, some just aren’t that well that’s life. And with all the social media and hashtags there are, you can feel rather lousy when you compare yourself to those moms.

So what do I do? I whine, I go for therapy, I try whatever can give me instant gratification, a book, a coffee at home, a coffee outside, a call, a lengthy voice note, whining a little bit more, sulking for few days, and then if I see a ray of hope, I tell myself to “get my act together”. But that lasts for some time and the vicious cycle continues, as new aspects of life uncover themselves. We sometimes forget that as mothers, we are also human beings, we are also daughters, wives, friends, etc. And so while your motherhood aspect of life may be going smoothly, your other aspects might come in and disturb your mental state. The health also plays a significant role, we don’t realize how much we have ignored our own physical health in trying to be the best mom, that things can come crashing down, and mommy is just not having the patience she used to have. The aches have sucked it all out of her.

So how does one get out of the vicious cycle? I don’t know. What I do know, is that it changes with time, and circumstances. It’s different for each mom, and it’s important for us to navigate life with truth, be in connection with ourselves and oral about our needs. A mother who feels empty, or lost, can not show direction to her kids and her family. So are we still tired? Yes, are we going to be? Hopefully little lesser. Our first responsibility is towards us as a human being, the way we were born, a human. We will drop in and out of the vicious cycle, but we will try to be better while we’re at it 🙂