The last two weeks feel like a year with the amount of activity going on. I so desperately need a break. My sad life in Hyderabad with only 2 friends is becoming unbearable. I am feeling needy, stupid, and well just exhausted.
My folks are in town for a wedding and starting the construction of their house, which is in full swing now. There was a tiny pause for dasera and Eid and now it’s all sand everywhere. I don’t mind that, it’s just the chaos. The weddings bring with them late nights, a constipated child due to disturbed eating schedule, and add to that school. What really is frustrating to me are my dead lines. They’re so close, they’re touching my nose and even then I am unable to just get any work done. People are constantly visiting the folks, no schedule on that. Can’t blame them, my dad leaves in few days and the mother will stick around for a couple of months. I am hoping for a visit to Dubai just to get away from everything that is Hyderabad. In Jan maybe, but I don’t know. I don’t even have the energy to dream.
I hate the stuck helpless feeling. It’s the worst. I know I slack away days when I very clearly know when my submissions are due. It’s not that I am not inspired, it’s just that life is going by too fast. I don’t want to become 26! I am not looking forward to a year passing away, while I struggle to keep pace the whole time. I know people are living their lives like that, with vacations becoming nothing but week-end getaways. I just want the calm back. I don’t like this struggle, like I’m drowning and just want to breath enough to survive another minute. At times I have difficulty putting my finger on exactly what’s wrong. And that’s just sad. That’s just stupid, I know.
I am not unhappy, I am just waiting for the calm after the storm. But the issue I have is once the deadlines are done, I still haven’t figured out a one guaranteed relaxing day. Everything is dependent on others’ schedules even my own day of chilling. I’ve decided that I am going to do my masters full time. I need to socialise, make friends, have people ready to hang out with.
I just want to take a breath, and I shall and this time I’m going to make sure, my assignments are not left till the last moment, and I am not blogging a negative ass blog, throwing negative energy into the mommy world.