Do not expect…But why?

There’s an advice that goes around and a lot of people like it. Some things sound great on face value, they may be like the ultimate solutions to all your existing and non existent problems, but in this particular advice I beg to differ, BIG TIME.

I have been told this, I have heard other people say it to others, and It made sense to me too for a very little while. Do not expect!, then you won’t be disappointed. Well, here’s what I say, do not have unrealistic expectations, but for SURE keep expectations from people. It is important for us to do that so that we understand that we are supposed to not live a selfish life.

I keep expectations from myself, my colleagues, my friends, family everyone. Because we as human beings are required to live in harmony with each other. If we keep no expectations, we give full power to people to do whatever they want, we don’t bind them by love or acceptance. I have little to no expectations from strangers, but people that are significant to me are not strangers, and shouldn’t have to live like they can not care about me or what I feel I deserve from them.

It’s wrong to let people live without expectations on them, it’s wrong for us too, only when we keep expectations do we strive at any relationship. You just have to have the clarity between realistic and unrealistic expectations, because in the end it’s about pushing ourselves and others to become better people, the best versions of ourselves. And what’s better? When you expect, and that person breaks your trust and expectations, you know they’re not right for you, and that they don’t deserve your dedication. As opposed to the people with whom you are choosing to be a pushover, because you didn’t direct them or inform them of your expectations.

“Do not expect, you won’t be disappointed”, is like saying “don’t write the exam, you won’t fail!”

So here’s to anyone who tells you don’t expect! let’s be practical, it’s not an advice, it’s a recipe for doormat disaster.

Moving forward leaving FB behind

I have been under a dark spell these couple of days. There are many decisions we make in life, and don’t regret, however over time negativity gets attached to them when we look around and get exposed to the world. Life isn’t meant to be all candy floss but we as humans always tend to want perfection. Perceived perfection of anothers life is the worst, it gives rise to unrealistic hopes which eventually take over your emotions and leave you confused and lost.

Image courtesy insidermonkey

Thinking regularly, pondering over life, trying to pick up on patterns of stupidity help us to be wiser. I am a big fan of thinking. And I realised that finding time was becoming an issue with each passing day, and my list of to-dos be it domestic or personal were just increasing. Facebook has been taking up a lot of that time. Meaningless, unfruitful browsing. I decided to quit, just to see if it makes any difference. And it did, within just an hour, when I didn’t have that tab to open anymore, I started to browse for information, read more, explored the internet, spent time with the daughter. I felt good that I didn’t get any updates on the fabulous life of the many “friends” I had on my list. It’s sad when we live our lives just to show them off on the web. We are deliberately making an effort to live the life of a show off, with good or bad intentions, doesn’t matter. We have been consumed by taking pics for the sake of posting them up, we are losing moments trying to capture them on film, and eagerly tweet/fb/instagram them. We are living moments via the net, and it’s not normal, it’s not human and it’s not fun. It’s just not.

What was bothering me was the bombardment of information that I wasn’t keen on receiving, there isn’t envy when I see fellow school mates succeed. But there’s a pinch, the question of ‘what are you doing?’ and ‘what have you accomplished?’ and I realised that I don’t deserve to scrutinize myself. Truth is my age mates don’t understand what I have accomplished because they’re only now getting married (at-least most of them). They can’t appreciate or value motherhood, the hardwork that goes into it, the level of accomplishment that it is. And I can’t blame them, and I am happy that they’re entering marriage when they’re stable, emotionally happy and ready for it. Then again, I don’t need to build issues, and then waste time trying to resolve them. It’s not practical, it’s not what I need in my life. And as adults, life is a series of constant decision making, and the older you get the more complex these decisions become, the more effect they have on others and most importantly they start defining you more.

I realised that I am way more happy to live in my bubble than be consumed by other people and their lives. I don’t have a lot of friends in Hyderabad, actually I can count them on my fingers, on one hand! But I don’t need friends sitting in a different country who can’t benefit me in anyway. We are connected via news through fb, but in reality half of us don’t give a shit. We would take maybe 2 minutes out of our lives, if we found out a fb friend died. Harsh truth, it’s bitter, it’s a reality bite. You want to surround yourself with happiness, and love, not the illusion of happiness and love that the internet provides. Anyway, my philosophical self is happier without fb.

I am moving forward, and focusing on myself, as it is being a mom takes that whole segment off your brain, it’s a whole exercise that requires warm up and appointments with your brain to think about your own happiness and life. I speak of fb as though it’s a breakup,hehe but it’s just been a weighing chapter of my life that I want to close and never revisit. I don’t have time in my life for that, I only have time for me and my family and happiness.

It’s not about being pessimistic, it’s about being realistic.

7am wake up time for a mommy, a mommy who wants to make sure that not only do her household responsibilities are taken care of but also her own life exists. That’s right, exists, in the sway of life not only does everyone else forget that we moms are human beings, but they forget to appreciate us.

Then the society wonders how so many women are joining the workforce, well, it’s simple isn’t it, a human being unlike an animal looks for appreciation, motivation, and intellectual healing to move forward each day and do the endless lists of chores for another 24 hours cycle. Moms fall through the cracks. They don’t get appreciated, at work they do because that’s work culture. You motivate your colleagues and you get the same in return. Why has this humanistic value been lost in the household, where the work is the hardest, most unpredictable, and ever so exhausting with no pay or vacation?

So the mom starts to think about herself, some start early on in their mommy hood, some lucky ones know beforehand that they need to maintain sanity via investment in self. Some new fools struggle, struggle for years till they finally figure out that no one cares, and no one’s going to make anything happen for them in return for the slaving she does. It’s not about being pessimistic, it’s about being realistic. And for many the realization comes in a form of regret. A regret they live with in their final few years of life wondering what the hell went wrong, and when. How did life pass by? The kids are old and on their own, lives of many have moved on while you sit saddened by the open nest syndrome, alone in your psychological mess. You’re alone, you always were, and it’s just that you realize it now without the camaraderie of kids around. You, always existed, but you didn’t stop to give yourself respect.

The worst is today’s culture, the compulsion of comparison. The Facebook statuses, tweets, fabulous Instagram’s, the facade of the educated. The desperate need to feel and appear like a celebrity, not wanting attention just trying to deliver a fake story to the world. And while all do this, the moms sit looking at their unwed, still in great shape friends and wonder. They wonder many things, many thoughts; many feelings pass through their overly sensitive mommy hearts. Then they breathe a sigh. A sigh that is often confusing, and then right when they try to figure it out “mommy” yells the kid.

It’s very difficult being a mother, be it a single parent or one with husband. What you do, is phenomenal. It can’t be expressed in words, and you better know that. Know also, that you have more to deliver to the world than kids. Take that aptitude test, continue that education, revisit that craft, and take control of what was first yours-YOUR LIFE.