The Struggle With Self Love

It’s the new thing around. Self Love, take time out for it, track it in your bullet journal, tell your friends about it, inspire them to practice it too. All this is true, and the truth of the matter makes me wonder how and why we wound up in this situation.

Its depressing to think that you have to schedule and take time out to love yourself, when it should be an everyday, every minute every second natural way of life. It raises many questions to me, I have done the scheduling, I have made the plans, I have tried it quite a bit, but failed. But what upset me more than the failure was the fact that I am in a situation like this in the first place!

We have been taught various things while growing up, as women we are taught some things differently. And the struggle to battle those wrong teachings, or observations is difficult. Such is the case for loving yourself. We get more of those as we move on and take over the different roles we are destined to as women. I personally don’t think it’s a self esteem issue than a learned behaviour of not giving yourself the best, or rather giving the best to others before thinking about yourself. Now, while reading this it may seem like a perfectly good way of life for humans, but the fact of the matter is that in our case, it increases and we become the empty vessels pouring out emptiness, and unknowingly passing on the same jazz to our daughters and other women.

So here’s the question I ask myself, Do you love yourself, not because you are fab, but because the One who created you deserves that respect? The concept is simple, our bodies are a gift, something that we have to return to the originator. So would we not take care and be concerned about it? Not just the physical body, the soul, the mind is all been given to us as a gift, as a keepsake, and we are answerable for it. And I ask myself, why have I at 29yrs of age not wrapped my mind around this very basic concept? Do we really need to read books and have long discussions on this? It’s that simple. Now if you’re still not motivated like I am, then the next question organically is about how much do you Love your Creator? How serious you are about Him, and what He has given you?

Here’s what I a struggling with…Physiotherapy. I have worked hard, paid per session for my physio post Laminectomy Discectomy 6 months ago, I did physio for over two months. Sweat like mad, lost weight, noticed a great difference in my posture and overall health. Then once my physio stopped, and I was advised to continue it everyday for at least 15 mins, I just slacked. I see no other reason than a lack of respect for myself, and my Creator. Because there can’t be any other chocolate coated, candy sweet reason. The facts don’t change.

The same logic goes for when I want to spend my hard earned money on myself. It will always be spent on the kids or other people, and I will be left with things still pending on my list. This is a habit. Just the thought of doing something for myself makes me happy, but execution fails miserably.

So now when I think about why I am not doing something for myself, or spending for myself, I don’t let my brain wander into cushion thoughts, I ask myself, the hard question. I ask myself where’s my love for my Creator.  Why do I treat myself like I don’t matter when He says I matter?!