The back burner life

When you just hear the confirming news of pregnancy, everything in life takes a back seat. We as women, let me correct that Indian or Hyderabadi women tend to shift everything to the back burner, surround ourselves with baby thoughts, baby shopping, baby everything even before it’s born. We throw ourselves out of the window like we never existed.

And years later…..many many years later when the kids are off to college or married and settled, we wonder who we are. I’ve noticed younger moms tend to get these thoughts way earlier than moms of past. We leave everything, abandon our identities, our to-do list of life becomes a mere wishlist. But why?, why do we assume defeat so easily? Why do we not pause between the nappy changes and think. Why do we not think about our lives, because lets face it, a happy mom, a content mom is a great emotional support for any child. We don’t realise that by giving up our lifes goals we become bitter inside, we change, we are resentful, frustrated. Not to the mention the unsolicited spice of the extended family, friends or cousins that adds to our misery and negative thoughts.

The bottom line is, there are two burners in the front, try to balance, try to give yourself priority once in a while. Try to balance, be happy, be content, be stable, be YOU. Our kids are living a different life, they will ask us why we made the choices we did in life, they will be bombarded with thoughts from their peers of what does your mom do, or what did your mom give up. Lets make sacrifice very clear from accepting defeat. There’s no need to give up every single dream, and goal in the name of ‘sacrifice’. Children grow up and within a couple of years are independent. They don’t need the amount of crazy that you are willing to ‘sacrifice’ and provide for them. The more independent you make your kid the better off they will be.

The best mother is the one who is a good support no matter where in the world the child is, no matter where in the world she herself is. We live in a world where modes of communication are abundantly available. We live in a world that demands us to look beyond our society, beyond our unchanging mind set, beyond the negativity we surround ourselves with. If you can’t do exactly what you want to, there are always bridges you can cross slowly till the children are ready for you to go full time with your passion. And this isn’t about a job, it’s about anything you like, reading a book, meditating,studying, doing crafts, decorating the house, volunteer work, doing social work anything. You are liberated as a mom, not a slave of the tag. Do what you like.

My point is that there’s no excuse. The world is already sad place and we don’t need sad moms to add to that. We need happy moms, satisfied moms, emotionally stable moms, moms who are role models and an inspiration to others; not a sad story based on sacrifice. You control your decisions, you control your happiness, your control your life. Control the amount of giving and taking, take control of you.

 

Why so dependant?

There are all types of women in the world, but when you become a mother, when you do the mothering you change. I believe there is something that takes over, a form of dependency. Because we spend endless amounts of time taking care of a little person who is dependent on us, we want similar pampering, we want similar over the top love. We forget we are adults and supposed to take care of ourselves.

Within India, I find so many girls that look forward to the yearly vacation or monthly escape to their moms homes. That’s a sorry way to live. It’s sad, and against everything an adult should be. We forget that life is about everyday not the few days of vacation with the parents and siblings. Why does it become so difficult for us to take a stand and demand a few minutes of peace everyday? Why can’t we have a vacation where our true family now is?. It’s an Indian thing, no matter where in the world you go, Indians want the extra mommy love, no matter how old they are. And here’s where the double standard also come in, as women we want the mommy escape, and given a choice maybe all of us would live with our moms forever, but when our husbands want the same; it seems off. Lets both get independent, independence is not a gender specific characteristic. Lets both become sufficient for each other, take from the parents the extra not everything. Lets make each day our everything, lets focus on growing together. Lets stay positive.

Image courtesy Happinessnslavery.

Happiness is where you want it to be, there will always be hurdles in life, and your mom isn’t going to be around all your life shielding you. Instill values of independence in both your sons and daughters, so that they are stable human beings able to handle what life brings their way. Why be dependent? Why not be happy instead?