Potential

There is magic in potential. The first time i had heard of the term , it was my 5th grade PTM at school. I looked up the word in the dictionary and since then that word has had a significant space in my mental vocabulary.

As a mother It’s sad that I have to take time out to remind myself that I am human. And I deserve to be cared for, and most importantly, I should be supported implicitly to realise my potential. We end our lives at marriage, or kids, or just the camaraderie of homemaking. And it’s not just exclusive to a stay at home mom, this is something every mother faces. We lose ourselves.

I firmly believe in the beauty of potential. We all have some significant areas of potential, and it is our responsibility to make sure we struggle at attaining that. It’s important that we aim to achieve it in our lifetime. And this struggle has to be support. Human beings weren’t meant to live separate lives, individualised like the settings of our phones. We are meant to co-exist, be educated about our way of life and help each other realise their innate potential. The world will be at its best when everyone in it are focused at being the best that they can be.

Sadly I have experienced the loss of support. And I have struggled thoroughly to build that support system within myself. It’s not easy. And definitely not required. The positivity of our lives stems from having the right kind of people around us. If we want to grow, we have to grow together, if we want a break, we have to take it together. Be patient, be empathetic, discard judgement and just be there for each other.

Potential is in all of us, mine didn’t die after PTMs. It’s still there, and in many areas. As I explore the person that I am, I understand the person that can be. And I advice all mothers to take time out, think about yourself, find out what you need to do, to be the best version of yourself. Demand respect, demand closure, demand support. Its our right, we’re answerable for all the slacking we do in our lives. Our children won’t understand random excuses, they want to be led by actions not mere words passed on from generations.

And I promise in this struggle you will find your true friends, and family. You will find truth.

Where is happiness?

Emptiness takes over every marriage, for some it happens earlier for some later. There’s no set time to it. Marriage is more complex than newly weds comprehend, and the married are still too confused to explain it. Happiness seems lost, a vacuum is felt, it’s not gender specific. It’s not entirely dependent on factors like kids, in-laws, extended family, society, work, exhausting responsibilities, financial stress. There’s no indication, it just happens. It just does. And with the exposure to media, it’s becoming even more easier to consider “quitting” the marriage and “moving on”.

We are complex beings, we are human beings, the most unreliable recourse on earth. But it is we who can make a change, it is us who can DO something, solve problems, THINK about them, consult those with experience. We shouldn’t be quitters. We should be role models, we should be able to look beyond our understandings and perceptions, we are the ones who can truly educate ourselves. If we can’t act educated, then why do we believe ourselves to be superior to animals?

In fact our music and lyrics are making us think like animals. Social sciences phrases such as ‘social animal’, ‘party animal’, are making us think we’re very close to them not just biologically but spiritually and mentally. ff we can’t think about others before we make decisions, if he can’t look beyond the present problem, if we can’t keep hope, what’s our purpose?

Moving forward leaving FB behind

I have been under a dark spell these couple of days. There are many decisions we make in life, and don’t regret, however over time negativity gets attached to them when we look around and get exposed to the world. Life isn’t meant to be all candy floss but we as humans always tend to want perfection. Perceived perfection of anothers life is the worst, it gives rise to unrealistic hopes which eventually take over your emotions and leave you confused and lost.

Image courtesy insidermonkey

Thinking regularly, pondering over life, trying to pick up on patterns of stupidity help us to be wiser. I am a big fan of thinking. And I realised that finding time was becoming an issue with each passing day, and my list of to-dos be it domestic or personal were just increasing. Facebook has been taking up a lot of that time. Meaningless, unfruitful browsing. I decided to quit, just to see if it makes any difference. And it did, within just an hour, when I didn’t have that tab to open anymore, I started to browse for information, read more, explored the internet, spent time with the daughter. I felt good that I didn’t get any updates on the fabulous life of the many “friends” I had on my list. It’s sad when we live our lives just to show them off on the web. We are deliberately making an effort to live the life of a show off, with good or bad intentions, doesn’t matter. We have been consumed by taking pics for the sake of posting them up, we are losing moments trying to capture them on film, and eagerly tweet/fb/instagram them. We are living moments via the net, and it’s not normal, it’s not human and it’s not fun. It’s just not.

What was bothering me was the bombardment of information that I wasn’t keen on receiving, there isn’t envy when I see fellow school mates succeed. But there’s a pinch, the question of ‘what are you doing?’ and ‘what have you accomplished?’ and I realised that I don’t deserve to scrutinize myself. Truth is my age mates don’t understand what I have accomplished because they’re only now getting married (at-least most of them). They can’t appreciate or value motherhood, the hardwork that goes into it, the level of accomplishment that it is. And I can’t blame them, and I am happy that they’re entering marriage when they’re stable, emotionally happy and ready for it. Then again, I don’t need to build issues, and then waste time trying to resolve them. It’s not practical, it’s not what I need in my life. And as adults, life is a series of constant decision making, and the older you get the more complex these decisions become, the more effect they have on others and most importantly they start defining you more.

I realised that I am way more happy to live in my bubble than be consumed by other people and their lives. I don’t have a lot of friends in Hyderabad, actually I can count them on my fingers, on one hand! But I don’t need friends sitting in a different country who can’t benefit me in anyway. We are connected via news through fb, but in reality half of us don’t give a shit. We would take maybe 2 minutes out of our lives, if we found out a fb friend died. Harsh truth, it’s bitter, it’s a reality bite. You want to surround yourself with happiness, and love, not the illusion of happiness and love that the internet provides. Anyway, my philosophical self is happier without fb.

I am moving forward, and focusing on myself, as it is being a mom takes that whole segment off your brain, it’s a whole exercise that requires warm up and appointments with your brain to think about your own happiness and life. I speak of fb as though it’s a breakup,hehe but it’s just been a weighing chapter of my life that I want to close and never revisit. I don’t have time in my life for that, I only have time for me and my family and happiness.

Why so dependant?

There are all types of women in the world, but when you become a mother, when you do the mothering you change. I believe there is something that takes over, a form of dependency. Because we spend endless amounts of time taking care of a little person who is dependent on us, we want similar pampering, we want similar over the top love. We forget we are adults and supposed to take care of ourselves.

Within India, I find so many girls that look forward to the yearly vacation or monthly escape to their moms homes. That’s a sorry way to live. It’s sad, and against everything an adult should be. We forget that life is about everyday not the few days of vacation with the parents and siblings. Why does it become so difficult for us to take a stand and demand a few minutes of peace everyday? Why can’t we have a vacation where our true family now is?. It’s an Indian thing, no matter where in the world you go, Indians want the extra mommy love, no matter how old they are. And here’s where the double standard also come in, as women we want the mommy escape, and given a choice maybe all of us would live with our moms forever, but when our husbands want the same; it seems off. Lets both get independent, independence is not a gender specific characteristic. Lets both become sufficient for each other, take from the parents the extra not everything. Lets make each day our everything, lets focus on growing together. Lets stay positive.

Image courtesy Happinessnslavery.

Happiness is where you want it to be, there will always be hurdles in life, and your mom isn’t going to be around all your life shielding you. Instill values of independence in both your sons and daughters, so that they are stable human beings able to handle what life brings their way. Why be dependent? Why not be happy instead?