Low IQ days

So today was Thursday, the only day I have off. And well I had an agenda, a very productive one. Didn’t do squat!

Dropped the daughter at school, came back up, and thought I’d take a nap. Now I blame the Hyderabad world for this, nothing really start till 11AM here, so I thought I’ll put an alarm for 10 and will go about with my day. But guess what? I didn’t! I slept till 12, shamelessly got up, counted the number of hours left before I embark on picking the daughter up from school, called me friend, spoke to her, called another friend, spoke to her. And then I thought maybe a cup of coffee will raise some shame.

So I went into the kitchen, ate breakfast standing, didn’t bother with the coffee. I thought After such a long time I am having a full day to myself and I like that I am chilling. Caffeine plan cancelled.

Switched on the lappy, checked e-mail, and by that I mean just checked didn’t open any mail. Maybe ‘viewed’ would be the right adjective. And wasted hours on FB, doing nothing, just nothing, reading this and sharing that. All the while my Super Ego kept saying “Do something!!!”. But I didn’t bother.

I wasted so much time online, that I got exhausted, switched off the lappy and lazed around till 3PM. Went to pick up the daughter from school, and basically did not do anything productive the whole day. And you know what! I have made the conscious decision to just not do anything today. Cos I am human, and living in this typa stress is just not right.

The daughter is watching Peppa Pig, and now I sit blogging, cos let’s face it I have done everything else there is to do in order to waste time!

You know you’ve really been up to nothing, when you message a friend and say ‘I am bored’…The only productive thing maybe that happened today was a load of laundry, which BTW i just dumped into the machine and the machine worked its magic.

Lazy days are okay. Today reminded me that I truly didn’t have one Thursday off since I came back from Dubai in May. While I was browsing FB, my brain told me, ‘you’ve been upto some proper low IQ shit today’ and that was an insight for me!, I thought Hmm, let’s blog about that!

too much commotion I am exhausted

The last two weeks feel like a year with the amount of activity going on. I so desperately need a break. My sad life in Hyderabad with only 2 friends is becoming unbearable. I am feeling needy, stupid, and well just exhausted.

My folks are in town for a wedding and starting the construction of their house, which is in full swing now. There was a tiny pause for dasera and Eid and now it’s all sand everywhere. I don’t mind that, it’s just the chaos. The weddings bring with them late nights, a constipated child due to disturbed eating schedule, and add to that school. What really is frustrating to me are my dead lines. They’re so close, they’re touching my nose and even then I am unable to just get any work done. People are constantly visiting the folks, no schedule on that. Can’t blame them, my dad leaves in few days and the mother will stick around for a couple of months. I am hoping for a visit to Dubai just to get away from everything that is Hyderabad. In Jan maybe, but I don’t know. I don’t even have the energy to dream.

I hate the stuck helpless feeling. It’s the worst. I know I slack away days when I very clearly know when my submissions are due. It’s not that I am not inspired, it’s just that life is going by too fast. I don’t want to become 26! I am not looking forward to a year passing away, while I struggle to keep pace the whole time. I know people are living their lives like that, with vacations becoming nothing but week-end getaways. I just want the calm back. I don’t like this struggle, like I’m drowning and just want to breath enough to survive another minute. At times I have difficulty putting my finger on exactly what’s wrong. And that’s just sad. That’s just stupid, I know.

I am not unhappy, I am just waiting for the calm after the storm. But the issue I have is once the deadlines are done, I still haven’t figured out a one guaranteed relaxing day. Everything is dependent on others’ schedules even my own day of chilling. I’ve decided that I am going to do my masters full time. I need to socialise, make friends, have people ready to hang out with.

I just want to take a breath, and I shall and this time I’m going to make sure, my assignments are not left till the last moment, and I am not blogging a negative ass blog, throwing negative energy into the mommy world.