Would you kill the queen to crush the hive?

I work at a school. And one of the best experiences being around young human beings is, you kinda don’t grow up. You are constantly reminded of your adolescence, your childhood, your teenage issues. You are almost forced to be in that phase of your life, reminiscing constantly, some conversations get you nostalgic about your own uniform clad school days.

CAM01338And as a counselor for me it’s all about solving problems, providing clarity, support, unconditional love, a safe environment for children to just let go and express themselves. I think it’s crucial for children to know that there is always going to be someone there for them, through thick and thin. And this someone isn’t always going to be an adult, a good friend can go a long way. When I was in school, there were times of loss of clarity, a feeling of struggle to own your life, take control, choose your own path etc. And this particular song used to describe that feeling. That realisation of not just the struggle, and important of taking control, but the significance support plays in the whole drill.

I listened to music in those days not for the actual music, but lyrics. And this song has powerful lyrics. My personal favourite lines from the song are not in every version of the song.

‘Would you kill the queen to crush the hive?

And would you choose water over wine, hold the wheel and drive?’

The song is written beautifully, and the chorus signifies the importance of being there for your friend (or family, or lover), no matter what decision they make:

incubus

Have there been any songs that have had a special relevance to your life growing up?

The back burner life

When you just hear the confirming news of pregnancy, everything in life takes a back seat. We as women, let me correct that Indian or Hyderabadi women tend to shift everything to the back burner, surround ourselves with baby thoughts, baby shopping, baby everything even before it’s born. We throw ourselves out of the window like we never existed.

And years later…..many many years later when the kids are off to college or married and settled, we wonder who we are. I’ve noticed younger moms tend to get these thoughts way earlier than moms of past. We leave everything, abandon our identities, our to-do list of life becomes a mere wishlist. But why?, why do we assume defeat so easily? Why do we not pause between the nappy changes and think. Why do we not think about our lives, because lets face it, a happy mom, a content mom is a great emotional support for any child. We don’t realise that by giving up our lifes goals we become bitter inside, we change, we are resentful, frustrated. Not to the mention the unsolicited spice of the extended family, friends or cousins that adds to our misery and negative thoughts.

The bottom line is, there are two burners in the front, try to balance, try to give yourself priority once in a while. Try to balance, be happy, be content, be stable, be YOU. Our kids are living a different life, they will ask us why we made the choices we did in life, they will be bombarded with thoughts from their peers of what does your mom do, or what did your mom give up. Lets make sacrifice very clear from accepting defeat. There’s no need to give up every single dream, and goal in the name of ‘sacrifice’. Children grow up and within a couple of years are independent. They don’t need the amount of crazy that you are willing to ‘sacrifice’ and provide for them. The more independent you make your kid the better off they will be.

The best mother is the one who is a good support no matter where in the world the child is, no matter where in the world she herself is. We live in a world where modes of communication are abundantly available. We live in a world that demands us to look beyond our society, beyond our unchanging mind set, beyond the negativity we surround ourselves with. If you can’t do exactly what you want to, there are always bridges you can cross slowly till the children are ready for you to go full time with your passion. And this isn’t about a job, it’s about anything you like, reading a book, meditating,studying, doing crafts, decorating the house, volunteer work, doing social work anything. You are liberated as a mom, not a slave of the tag. Do what you like.

My point is that there’s no excuse. The world is already sad place and we don’t need sad moms to add to that. We need happy moms, satisfied moms, emotionally stable moms, moms who are role models and an inspiration to others; not a sad story based on sacrifice. You control your decisions, you control your happiness, your control your life. Control the amount of giving and taking, take control of you.