It’s not about being pessimistic, it’s about being realistic.

7am wake up time for a mommy, a mommy who wants to make sure that not only do her household responsibilities are taken care of but also her own life exists. That’s right, exists, in the sway of life not only does everyone else forget that we moms are human beings, but they forget to appreciate us.

Then the society wonders how so many women are joining the workforce, well, it’s simple isn’t it, a human being unlike an animal looks for appreciation, motivation, and intellectual healing to move forward each day and do the endless lists of chores for another 24 hours cycle. Moms fall through the cracks. They don’t get appreciated, at work they do because that’s work culture. You motivate your colleagues and you get the same in return. Why has this humanistic value been lost in the household, where the work is the hardest, most unpredictable, and ever so exhausting with no pay or vacation?

So the mom starts to think about herself, some start early on in their mommy hood, some lucky ones know beforehand that they need to maintain sanity via investment in self. Some new fools struggle, struggle for years till they finally figure out that no one cares, and no one’s going to make anything happen for them in return for the slaving she does. It’s not about being pessimistic, it’s about being realistic. And for many the realization comes in a form of regret. A regret they live with in their final few years of life wondering what the hell went wrong, and when. How did life pass by? The kids are old and on their own, lives of many have moved on while you sit saddened by the open nest syndrome, alone in your psychological mess. You’re alone, you always were, and it’s just that you realize it now without the camaraderie of kids around. You, always existed, but you didn’t stop to give yourself respect.

The worst is today’s culture, the compulsion of comparison. The Facebook statuses, tweets, fabulous Instagram’s, the facade of the educated. The desperate need to feel and appear like a celebrity, not wanting attention just trying to deliver a fake story to the world. And while all do this, the moms sit looking at their unwed, still in great shape friends and wonder. They wonder many things, many thoughts; many feelings pass through their overly sensitive mommy hearts. Then they breathe a sigh. A sigh that is often confusing, and then right when they try to figure it out “mommy” yells the kid.

It’s very difficult being a mother, be it a single parent or one with husband. What you do, is phenomenal. It can’t be expressed in words, and you better know that. Know also, that you have more to deliver to the world than kids. Take that aptitude test, continue that education, revisit that craft, and take control of what was first yours-YOUR LIFE.

 

A mom needs a break

Every few days we reach a breaking point. And being at our most vulnerable, people around us not only need to back off and give some space but make sure we get the break we need. We don’t get weekends, we don’t get holidays, we’re always moms, also wives…We are always someone. When do we get to be us?

It’s one of those days, just got over very stressful exams, and have a lot of other things on my mind, and the last thing I need is a 3 and a half year old refusing to eat. You try the story telling, you compromise and sit on the floor, you make what’s easy to gobble down and yet there is no response. There should be a law where people make sure the one who’s making sure everyones lives move smoothly gets her due. And this should happen at-least once a month. No cars going to run without it’s engine, and we’re the engines that are being used and abused, and pressured and stressed. Pushed to the point where the engine will break down.

By now you must have guessed I am frustrated, exhausted, feeling incredible lonely and tired of the crap that surrounds my life.

Beauty Rave: Chambor Glitzy Gloss

This has been my latest beauty purchase, and I am loving this gloss.  I’m trying to introduce myself to nude lips, and this is closest I have dared to go. Also it’s not that easy to find nude shades in Hyderabad. If you have suggestions, please leave them in the comments box below.

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Getting back to the gloss, I love that it’s opaque, gives good colour, lasts pretty long too. What I love the most about it is the fact that its rich and nourishing. Doesn’t leave my lips crying for moisture, and feels very creamy and soft on the lips.

Here’s the swatch, they don’t have name for this, its numbered 661. It’s from their ‘glitzy gloss intense’ line.

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Notice there are no glitter specks just great shine and intense colour in just one swatch. I like that you get this gloss in it’s box, usually here in you’ll just get a sealed pack, I mean when you are paying Rs.650 might as well feel like you bought something new.

This is what’s promised on the packaging:

-Super shine gloss with intense colour to brighten up your lips.

-Lucious, moisturising, restores suppleness.

-Non-sticky, super gliding.

-Adherant and Long lasting.

-Anti oxidant, Anti Aging- with sunscreen.

I agree with everything on the packaging, however I don’t know how the anti-aging bit can be tested, with time I guess? Lets face it we will use other brands of lipglosses too in our life, so I guess there’s no way to tell!

I am looking for a lipstsick that’s of the same colour, and see how it looks without the shine as a matte tint on the lips. Will definitely be trying out more lip-glosses from this line for sure!.

What’s you present mommy lip-gloss love?

The mommy diet

Just few minutes ago I have been told that I looked ‘pale’, and ‘unhealthy’. One of the people in the discussion thought i was ‘expecting’. Well, here’s the deal, in Hyderabad, if you lose weight no matter how overweight you still are, you are told you are ‘weak’. Most young girls or generally women tend to believe that crap and grow fatter. Hence everyone around me is obese, not even overweight!.

A funny thing, just two days ago the school coach at the school I am volunteering specifically told me I looked very healthy! HAHAHAHAHH!

Mommy Fact: When you have a baby you will gain weight. But that doesn’t mean you take it as an excuse to stay overweight, and even worse make other overweight women feel they’re ‘fine’.

Health is important, for everyone who says have your full meals, with two rotis, a big bowl of rice, ghee, and oily food wake up! no matter what you eat, overweight is OVERweight.!!!

So what do I prescribe into a diet of a mom?

First and foremost, a lot of sleep, relaxation, pampering and love. Moving on to food, eat healthy, eat what you like, eat to live. Take supplements because god knows our veggies and fruits don’t have all the nutrition doctors say!

In the end if you have good energy, are able to complete your daily chores are losing weight steadily,getting back to your pre-baby weight you are FINE. For your own health don’t believe these fat aunties who say you look ‘pale’ and ‘weak, and ‘tired’. Your BMI should be an indicator of your healthy weight and your everyday energy level should be an indicator of anything that’s lacking in your diet.

And that’s that!

The morning mystery

An adult needs 7 to 8 hours of sleep at night. Moms get a fraction of it, and in my case no mater how many hours of sleep I get it’s poor quality. I realised that recently.

I was under the impression that I was lacking energy and always felt my body needing more sleep regardless of how many hours I slept. When I went to Chennai for my exams without my daughter I slept for the first time in 3 years. I revisited sleep, no interruption sleep, stress free sleep. No one asking for water or milk every few hours, no cries in the middle of the night, nothing. Just pure sleep.

That’s changed everything for me. I realised it wasn’t me, it was the environment that was making it impossible for me to sleep. My daughter (3.5yrs) tends to drink water all night, and gets up for milk, asks if she can come on the bed with the hubby and me. All that jazz takes place the whole night, the drill gets me tired and exhausted by the time it’s morning. Also when it’s almost near wake up time, my mind starts to race with hopelessness.

Anyway I’m working on changing that. I am going to get Chennai esque sleep in Hyderabad 😉

Here are some of the measures I am taking as of now:

1. Strict rules on no waking up for water (so far it’s worked)

2. No entertainment for me (on the tablet) after midnight. I used to stay up till at-least 1:30am

3. No candy for me at night (working on that, it’s difficult)

4. No thinking about “how much” work has to be done the next morning. Instead telling myself “you have many hours of good sleep”

5. Phone strictly on silent NOT vibrate (This has changed life completely, the whatsapp vibration alerts used to wake me up)

So far that’s what I’m working on in terms of getting my sleep right, and I must say it has been working. However I find myself incredibly stressed past morning prayer, my mind moves into negative mode with “only 2 hours to sleep”. I am going to start working on positive thinking now. Even though my body is well happy and Ive gotten plenty rest, the negative thought makes me crave more sleep when I don’t necessary need it!

Another thing on my agenda is make sure I at-least take out 15 mins of quiet relaxed time for myself in the morning instead of rushing with all the chores.

Moms, now it’s your turn to share your morning blues and how you overcome them…leave comments below and share the love .

Fashion Friday: Shoes I just cant get myself to wear

My oh My!…Shoes can do to an outfit what no one can imagine. All moms out there have all the postpartum weight which can make you look shorter than you are. So who comes to the rescue? High Heeled shoes!…

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Now I’ve always loved those skinny heeled shoes with all the glam and feminine appeal, however I could never get myself to buying them because of the practicality issue. When you’re with a toddler you have to be comfortable in the shoes you wear, you’ll have to run behind them, take them to the loo, and what not. If you’re not used to running in high heels you should just spare yourself the embarrassment. Here are some that I wish I could don more often so that I would finally get used to the high heeled phenomenon.

ImageI am working on many hardcore new year resolutions, and one of them is going to be donning these shoes and having a more fun shoe collection. I prefer shoes over sandals, they are more comfortable for me, and also very versatile, they can easily be worn with Indian and western ensembles.

Tip Tuesday: Buying books for your child

English is our second language, and I love a kid who can articulate his/her ideas in both the mother tongue and their second language. The best way to keep your childs English skills improving is to have them read. Reading increases vocabulary, keeps the child in touch with the language and is a a great creative escape.

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Here are some tips on buying the right books for your child:

Tip 1. When purchasing a book don’t restrict yourself to the age mentioned on the book. English is our second language, so your 3 year old may not ready for the books for that age. Buying books marked lower than your childs age doesn’t mean your child is dumb. Its best to get the books that they can actually read, or listen to you read and enjoy. The idea is to make the kid fall in love with reading, it shouldn’t be a difficult task.

Tip 2. If you like a series and it’s at an affordable price range never buy all four or all three in the series. Buy one or two and see if your child enjoys them, if he does then you can always buy more. Kids are very picky, that’s why there’s a large variety of books available for kids. Some may like colourful animals, other kids might like cartoons etc. I always pick one book and see if my daughter enjoys it. And then I purchase more.

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Tip 3. Always keep books at the childs level. They should reach out for books himself, and select the one he wants to read. A small shelf, or a drawer dedicated only to the childs books can build a sense of ownership and responsibility in the child. They will also learn to keep the books back in place after reading. This is very important.

Tip 4. Libraries are a great way to head when your child is older and able to read more or less independently. However I do suggest to have a mini library at home, so that your child no matter how old he is can always revisit his past books. This also builds a sense of responsibility, and builds organisation skills in the child. It’s also a very fulfilling feeling when they can pass on their favourite books to their siblings!

These are some of my daughters favourite books (I always get mine from Crosswords):

ImageI have yet to discover the books section at Himalaya and Walden. I love Himalaya for stationery shopping. I buy my books online at Flipkart. In fact I have ordered a Dr.Seuss book for the daughter which should arrive on the 19th, so excited. It was recommended by my very good friend and new mommy.

Did you find these tips helpful? Have any suggestions for tip tuesdays?, feel free to leave them in the comments box below.

Out with the girls!!

Much needed time out with the girls….We headed Rucci and Idoni Banjara Hills, and boy did I have!

Yummy food and a lot random chit chat…I ordered the oh so delicious Pink Lemonade (look at the size of that!) and Chicken Piri Piri

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After the loong lunch I headed to my very good friend Fabihas studio and chattted away till the sun came down……Every mom needs a good day out with friends…..Will definitely schedule many such outings….

Fashion Friday: On my Wishlist

Nothing can make you happy like a wishlist. I make many in my head, and almost never purchase the items on my wishlist. But hey! no harm dreaming!

Here’s what’s on my wishlist for now, and I will most probably be purchasing the watch. I am not a watch person, never been one, partly because I never found one that really spoke to me. This watch does, it’s white just like I wanted, it’s chic, it’s leather and timeless, and most importantly the ‘FCUK’ of the brand is not in your face like it is on other varieties from the brand. I am not a fan of owning products that show off the label in bold. I like subtle references instead.

ImageDress: FCUK link

Watch: FCUK link

Top: Forever New link

That’s whats happening in my mommy wishlist, any recommendations?

Feel good, make a check list

So on and on again the Hyderabadi atmosphere will lead all moms into the deep dark side of domestic drama.

And I have the ultimate solution. A check list. A positive check list of realistic goals, goals that can be achieved on an everyday basis, not a week, every single day. Be it organising your little make-up collection or sorting out your shoes. As long as you do something for yourself, and keep your mind busy you are happy.

Somethings, people, attitudes don’t change. We are the only person we have control over. So lets make a better future for us one check list at a time and one child at a time. Make sure that our children grow up to be self-sufficient, happy, safe, and grateful and respectful to the people around them.

The drama is inevitable, that’s not something you can control, be it a family member, or any random auto guy. What can be worked on is only what you control. So concentrate on that, and make your life so busy that you’re too busy to be consumed by random low mindedness!

Stay positive mommys hang in there!!