The Formula of life

We all want a successful life, and most of our lives will go figuring out the formula for ourselves. In this process we will try what others are using, what they’re suggesting, what we may want to work for ourselves, until one day, we will have the epiphany and strike that perfect balance and know it, once and for all.

I have been in the phase of exploration since what feel like forever. And I have found something that brings me calm now. There was always a clash between the world that I live in, ( we all live in) and the spiritual side of things. The real life is the one after death, and while we are here for a split second, our lives on earth seem to be the most important to us. Anyway, sometimes we don’t know what’s bothering us, and what is causing us to be in a state of unrest, until we somehow come across a solution or experience that makes it all clear.

What I have also observed is that the more we dwell on figuring this out, the sooner we are able to formulate our way of life which will bring us eternal satisfaction. So if you start this process in your teenage, you may figure out life by early twenties, and I know people who have done that. At times I feel it’s a whole scam of science that makes teenagers this helpless, hormone driven, and irresponsible breed. The world should be patient with them, no doubt, because its a time of major change, but it’s also a great time to explore oneself the right way. At 29, I feel stupid to have lost such a long period of my life and only now realize about myself, things I could’ve easily figured out earlier. You can only feel bad, at a point like such.

As a parent, I am not going to give the gift of pondering, to my children. Mindful pondering, and exploration of ones personality, skills, potential. And not just academic, but spiritual.  A soul that is pure, will find it’s meaning faster than one contaminated by sins, worldly desires, and rubbish. In such situations experience may not hold a positive place.

I guess the point of this post was; that there IS a formula and the sooner we figure it out, the more calm and focused we will be. And no matter how shitty we may be feeling, there is always a way out, and there’s always a solution. Having a formula will help us be calm, and check ourselves if and when we are feeling anxious, and resolve our problems quickly.

Be a smart person, stop chasing the AM clubs

The more we think, the more we are able to get clarity on the problem to come up with the appropriate solution. For the longest time I have been struggling with the concept of becoming a “morning person” to be productive. And today I realised something; I don’t care to be a ‘morning person’ I just care to make the most of the 24 hours I get. You see labels can mess with our brain, but we can unclutter it with the right label.

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I want to be smart, a smart person wakes up as early as possible in the morning, and accomplishes a lot of work that could and has to be done before the humanity wakes up. In the digital world it is possible for us to do plenty work that is not time bound as per our convenience, this could be writing and responding to e-mails, scheduling social media content, writing blog posts, preparing content for messages to send later in the day. In the home front, much of your self-care, cooking, laundry, and all that jazz could be managed while the rest of the people of the house are asleep. Because some tasks get stretched just due to interruptions. I know I have that issue a lot.

Now this waking up could be 5 AM for some, it could 9 AM for some, based on their work and life routines. I am so done with the “5am club” and starting your day at 6am, the pressure is unreal. In my smart routine, the day you have more work, you get up at 5am and days you don’t you can get up at 10! The pressure to follow some rule, even though self-inflicted is just not making me productive. The guilt is unreal. So I am no longer wishing to connect with the “morning person” in me , which basically doesn’t exist, and instead be a “smart person” who does what’s needed.

Without a doubt, the early hours of the morning can provide a great sense of calm, quiet and accomplishment, and so do the late hours of night. A well thought after to-do list can ensure the remaining working hours of the day are spent getting all the tasks pre-planned and prepped for sorted.

In my life, I have enjoyed nothing more dearly than being busy, and juggling multiple projects, this takes away from any monotony that may strike, and keeps the energy levels productive. What is this life we live, only 24 hours in a day, and I know I want to spend a majority of them preparing for the real life (after death). There’s not point in anything else. Really, what is the point?

So if you are like me, trying to get productive by an early start to the day, don’t try to identify yourself with the “morning person” clan, just be you, and tell yourself, you’re going to be smart, and waking up whatever hour of the day helps you achieve your daily goals, do that. It’s better than guilt trips, and labeling that’s not getting you anywhere!

Upgrade yourself

There has to be a way of life. And the current world isn’t giving the best kind of role models

for us. I love that we have access to so much, through out phone and internet, it’s amazing to be part of this generation. But when it comes to mindfulness, and living a slow paced and more productive life, I feel at a loss.

I am so glad for bullet journaling, it helps me stay on track and visualise the mess in my head. It is so crucial for all humans to figure out their purpose in life. The sooner, the better. It’s funny how the more knowledge we gain, the more insightful we become about our purpose in life.

Last night, I was looking for a book on the topic of money management as per Islam, and came across a very helpful book. It is primarily about business ethics, but the first few chapters discuss money, earning, saving, and investment etc. I would highly recommend it for those who want to know about anything money related. Even those who are employees should read this book. It explains the way of life of Islam, and brings clarity on when your earnings can become worldly.

I am 29 years old, and the only time in life I have had epiphanies is via knowledge. Not information, but trusty, thought provoking knowledge. The sources of which can vary, and I don’t discriminate. I believe after a point in life, we just need to have the sense of filtering what’s not fitting with out values, and where we want to go in life.

You see it’s not fair for us to live, without understanding what potential we have, where we are headed and if we are fulfilling our duties. We are too smart, too good of beings to be living aimless, and winging our life as we age. We are meant for more, we are meant to be better, we are meant to conquer ourselves and inspire others every single day!

Excuses Excuses

I remember when I was in school, we had this elocution piece called ‘excuses excuses’ I remember the first few lines of it and few from the middle and the whole gist of the story in my head. There have been several times that I have told myself that phrase when I find myself in a fit of “I don’t have time”. For the most part it is true for a mom, especially if you’re new and trying to get a hang of your new life. Sometimes there are just some facts that we need to be told in a non-sugar coated manner for us to stop the sulking and get into action.

The recent past, since my birthday has been all about figuring out myself and being more conscious of my time and accomplishments; and like always I was looking for inspiration when I stumbled upon this amazing mompreneur, and her video just struck a chord, I love how blunt she is and well, I instantly saved the video on my playlist for future reference.

When I look around and observe other moms, who are my age and how they’re satisfied with the domestic duties and marathons I wonder why I can’t find full satisfaction in that. In the end it’s all about brought up, if a girl has been brought up and raised with skills that help her within the domestic chores and that is painted as her only duty and contribution to the world then that’s all she will do and will find full satisfaction in it. Not that I was raised to take over the world and travel to the moon, my personality just won’t allow me to be satisfied with my role as a mom only, I need to play other roles, self-satisfaction, improvement and pushing the envelope of capabilities and goals is essential for me. I respect every woman who has made a sound decision to do what she is doing, in-fact this goes for all of humanity. Men and women who are aware of why they’re doing what they’re doing, and if it brings them the satisfaction in life then it’s amazing. Those people will inspire others, without a doubt they will.

For being a strong headed woman with dreams, it’s sad that I don’t have sane amount women around me who have the same goals in life. We all need guidance and inspiration, we also need to inspire and lift other woman, that’s the beauty of being leaders, you are constantly in the energy of passionate, motivated people who want success and you can learn from them and also help them out whenever possible.

All in all, the excuses have to end. Excuses don’t help anyone, in-fact they have a crappy effect on the people around you. A frustrated self, only increases the anxiety and causes negativity around us all. Forward has to be the goal, a tiny step at a time, as long as we’re moving forward, we will continue to have clarity in life.

One month post spine surgery update

On June 1st 2018, I underwent surgery; laminectomy discectomy of L5S1 for a herniated disc, and I just wanted to share a one month update for anyone who may be interested.

I myself, have been looking for updates like such online, to help ease anxiety related to recovery from spine surgery, and just know what the future holds for me post op. Doctors give plenty information, but each patient is different and it’s always good to know about other peoples experience.

So it’s been a little over a month since surgery, and I feel okay. The sciatica in my left leg went away right after surgery, and hasn’t visited since. Which is a great relief. My stitches have healed, I got fourteen in total, and there’s no infection however, there’s slight fat discharge; which my doc says is nothing to worry about and pretty common in female patients.

Mobility wise, I am able to walk, and sit. Even though sitting is more painful and exhausting. I can sit comfortably for ten mins or so, and then my body starts to hint discomfort. Standing is much better a position as is walking. However the most rest one can give to their spine after surgery is lying, that too on their back. The restriction on BLT (bending, lifting and twisting) is still there and will be for another couple of weeks.

The numbness post surgery in my legs, knee down has gone away for the most part, however if I sit for long it comes back. I am using a lumbar belt when off the bed, and that does help a lot in keeping my back in position and giving support. I do forget it sometimes and I can definitely feel the difference when not wearing it, the spine needs that kind of support, as the muscles need time to recover and bring strength to the spine. My physiotherapy will start in a day or two, I am looking forward to it.

What bothers me the most is the dependency, with kids it’s very difficult to be on any kind of strict rest. Not only do I feel bad that I am missing out on cuddles, and play with my little one, it’s sad to see my elder one not happy with my physical restrictions. I am very a hands on kinda of mom, and it’s very difficult to not BLT when you have a baby around. Maids too are causing a lot of mental stress, which is adding to the irritation.

I guess in life you just don’t get everything perfect, and I have realised that health is not just important, it’s even more important when you’re young and NEED to be doing things for your family, and self. On a positive note, I have come to terms with what I need to do in life to take control of this health situation. I don’t identify myself in this state of bed-rest and lazy non-productive life. I do know I am doing plenty in this recovery stage, with my Sunday school starting its new academic year, and homeschooling my daughter, and balancing all other projects that I do. I know I want to get back to a particular weight, and have a certain level of activeness in my lifestyle, not just for me, but for my children and family as a whole.

Life isn’t meant to be spent on bed, especially when there’s so much potential locked up inside of us and the enthusiasm to want to achieve it. Motivation is everything for us to achieve what we want in life; and as I tell my daughter that she can do anything she sets her mind to, I am telling myself the same to emulate what I teach!

Vacation and all that comes with the mindset

I am all for vacations in life. Married women tend to have a whole another situation when it comes to vacations, especially moms. I have noticed a lot of moms just get too caught up in their routine lives and aren’t able to plan a vacation. For many who live away from their family, their holiday is all about meeting their family than actually exploring the world. It’s almost like a choice you have to make, between family and your lifes goals. We all are not able to take vacations whenever we wish, finance being one of the major reason. With a family to book tickets, and plan an itinerary around, you need a lot more of it!

What I have learned is that “me time” can serve as good mini break while life takes over. We need that time not just to pamper ourselves, but to be able to think about us, and where we are and where we are headed. I often times find life to be moving way too fast to be able to even breath. Especially with a baby around, it gets even more tough, add to that your everyday responsibilities and you’re one lost soul. I have observed that since becoming a mother I very easily put everything that has to do with me to the side. The attitude is ‘Will do it later, after the baby is xyz old…’ It’s like a bottomless list of priorities and whatever has to do with me gets lost in the bottomless pit. Sad isn’t it. Take a moment and think, you too may have thrown some of your lifes goals in that pit!

Thing is no one trains you how to live your life with periodic vacations. No one prepares you for things, mentally, physically, emotionally or even spiritually. I do believe if the moms of my mothers generation were more insightful, thoughtful, or simply vocal, we would be prepared for a lot of what we experience as surprises. Not to blame anyone, I am being realistic, and hence talking about it myself. There will be plenty people ready to make you feel guilty for taking a break, some don’t understand the concept of ‘me time’, and as a mom you are so aware of the incredible list of tasks that you feel bad to skip some to take time out for yourself.

I used to wonder what people get from a ‘weekend getaway’ but now I understand, that few hours away from routine helps a lot. The world isn’t how it used to be before, cycling for hours to school/work, walking to your cousins place, getting together on weekends for a tea, writing letters, and waiting patiently for responses. We live is a world that is too fast paced. We ourselves aren’t ready for what we have created, we do not have the coping mechanisms for our inventions and innovations. So what do we do? We vacay as much as possible, however possible and try to maintain our sanity to get through life 🙂

28 years of learning, thoughts, wisdom and life

Another year has passed and I am 28. And while some things have changed, some things just haven’t. Some of those make me happy some of them not so much. I wonder more than ever before, what life has become. And it leaves me filled with questions. Questions, I don’t have answers for, I will look for them, until I lose hope.

Fact is, at 28 I feel like an old soul. I am not suicidal, but I feel like I have lived my share of struggles. I guess the pessimist in me has more power over the optimist. At times I wonder where I lost her. Which phase of life made me loose connection with her. Some days are more colourful than others, but I guess I am looking for some level of settlement in life.

I am grateful though. As grateful as you can be in my circumstance, and I am happy that I still have the intellect to look at others and be thankful for my life. Some thoughts have been recurring in the past year. Mainly when looking at others, I am not a hypocrite. I know some people are destined for hell, their actions, words, and the fleet that supports them too will drown in the fury of hell fire. I am glad I am not them.

Coming closer to thirties scares me. I don’t know why. Maybe I had very high expectations from myself. Then again, I know I was very well capable of achieving them. But then life happens. I don’t know when I will get myself to accept the present, the reality, the truth. It’s like a mind block that’s become a road block.

I guess the lesson learned is to not plan beyond a year. Maybe that’s too much planning. As each day I realise that maybe it’s time for setting targets and focusing a decent amount of time on mental preparation. Being head strong is everything, with age I think we can become our own hurdle.

It’s rather odd that I have to console and tell myself that I have achieved a lot in my twenties. It’s difficult to accept them as achievements sometimes. I have so much in pending. One thing is for sure, It’s better to dream, than to not dream at all. Because it takes courage and planning and intellect to set goals for yourself. It requires insight, and passion. We don’t control circumstances, Allah does. At-least I will die struggling, and working toward a better tomorrow for myself.

Blog Train: My Parenting Mantra- Mindfully dealing with the best

This is my first time being part of a blog train. The topic is ‘My parenting Mantra’. All the mommies part of this blog train speak from their personal experience. There’s quite a variety here; new moms, moms to be, moms for years, traveling moms, the whole nine yards! Learnt a lot from them and looking forward the rest of the posts from this train. Click here to check out all the lovely mommies part of this blog train!

Big thank you to Udita, blogger of WithloveZuzu for introducing me, check out her contribution to the blog train here….So let’s get started with my parenting mantra….

No matter how painful the pregnancy or delivery was, popping a baby out either by pushing or by having your tummy cut open is a walk in the park compared to the lifelong commitment to parenting. I realized this only after having a child. Becoming a parent is easy, parenting is not. Through experience, I have been able to conclude that it all boils down to what you want your child to become. Because parenting inevitably will be the basis of your childs personality.

I had an ‘aha’ moment one day trying to reason with my daughter and that was it. That insightful moment, between losing my temper and trying to be as adult, thousands of thoughts ran through my head and one thought struck hard. She (like every child) is the best of Gods creations. Which means she has the potential to be the best version a human being can be, and I need to respect that. And I need to respect her.That thought instantly calmed me down, this phase is just temporary I told myself.

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It is easy for us to think that our children aren’t “capable” and end up doing everything for them, we think of them as “helpless” and make excuses for them, we regard their intellect to be “restricted” and try to make decisions for them…You can add a zillion things to this thought and effect list! But the fact will always remain that the more we liberate them, the better they will be.

Respect is the basis of all relationships, be it with an adult or minor. And children deserve even more respect because they’ve committed lesser sins than you have, and each day are becoming exactly what YOU as a parent are molding them into becoming. Sounds rather scary, but being an adult isn’t all candy and cupcakes now is it?!

When a child knows that he is respected and has a place in the household, he/she will learn to think, empathise and listen to the parents. As human beings we are wired to want respect, it is what separates us from animals and other beings. We have the capacity to voice our needs and the scope to change ourselves according to lifes circumstances.We most definitely can reason with a child, instead of punishing him/her. We can explain to them what’s happening instead of wrongly assuming they won’t understand. Every concept in the world can be explained to a child, in a milder form, with a sweeter tone and patience 🙂

While parenting; I try to remain mindful that this little being might be acting unreasonable but it’s temporary. the tantrum is to understand their boundaries, the attitude is an observation of surroundings, every behaviour links back to them wanting to live up to the best of creations of God. What we feed to them, they become. And being the adult versions of the best creations of God, we need to take responsibility of our poor decisions and be strong enough to accept them in front of our kids (no matter their age).

I am grateful for being born a human, and I would want my children to not just feel that way themselves when they grow up, but also make the people around them feel thankful for it. Our end goals should be to give to the society few good humans, that make life hopeful and worth living. Just do our part. The worst human is the one akin to an animal isn’t it?

I shall stop my rambling here and introduce to you Veena the one and only ‘reading Momster‘, looking forward to gaining insight into her parenting mantra. Comment, share, like and spread the love 🙂

Baby Skin myths busted

Us moms have heard more than our fair share of unsolicited advice and have been bombarded by information that’s just false!. Some of us discover through experience, or via reading, or from using our own brain that some of these things are just not worth paying attention to. It’s only a matter of time that we realise that our instincts are the most reliable and mommies know what’s best for their children!

Here’s a post I wrote on World Of Moms on the same….Click below to read up and share the love!

http://www.worldofmoms.com/blog/things-people-told-me-about-baby-skin-care-and-what-i-eventually-learnt/1280/2?utm_source=vidya_suri&utm_medium=hyderabadimom.wordpress.com&utm_content=ithings-people-told-me-about-baby-skin-care-and-what-i-eventually-learnt&utm_campaign=influencer_campaign_baby_dove

 

 

2016 is about priorities

It’s a new year, a chance for us to make new amends, change our point of you, just feel like some mercy is on you. For me this year is about prioritising and being reasonable. As a parent is is especially difficult to put yourself anywhere in the top 10priority list. It is a fact. We always put the needs of everyone else ahead of our own.

This is something that has been engraved in our minds and heart, to the point where we lose our own identity as soon as we give birth. It’s difficult to snap out of this zone. It is hence very important to just make a list of what you want for yourself this year, for your child/family. Where do you want yourself to be in the end of 2016. Bottom line is, if you’re happy, everyone around you will by default be happy.

For me this is the direction, no matter anyone says, all I will focus on is my priorities, and focus all my energies into that. Moving forward is crucial, no matter how many years it would take for you to attain your end goals.

What are your priorities?