Webinar on expressing milk and Little’s Manual breast pump

I was very young and naïve when I had my daughter. She was a micro preemie, and I was getting a grip on not just being a mom, but also running back and forth to the NICU. She was too little to be able to suckle on her own, and that was the first time I consciously thought about pumping milk. You see, it’s ironic that for years we have been surrounded by women who have given birth, and have breastfed, but we still don’t know much about the subject. Or, at-least we don’t speak about it as much. I learned a lot along the way, the internet helped me, the doctors too. I was super glad to attend a webinar by Dr. Asavari Dongre on ‘Millennial mothers and breastfeeding challenges’

Gynecologist, Dr. Asavari Dongre started off by discussing some undeniable facts. Motherhood has forever been challenging for all moms. There are plenty struggles that I share in common with my mom, and fellow aunts. However, as moms of this generation we definitely have access to more information, not restricted to parenting, pregnancy and mommying, but also when to venture into parenthood. We have options, and many of us have the support system, or simply the guts to follow our instincts. I however was only 20 when I had my daughter, and my biggest struggle was breastfeeding, because I simply couldn’t! My daughter was a micro preemie whom I fed breast milk, but because she was tiny and weak to be able to feed on her own; I was left with no choice but to pump. Awareness on the importance of breast milk is crucial for all moms, regardless of age. The milk constitutes all the necessary nutrients in perfect quantity, which protects the baby from infections, allergies, sicknesses, cancer, diabetes etc. It’s easily digested and tastes perfect for your baby.

Breastfeeding has plenty good effects on the mother too; it helps in weight loss if diet is balanced. It also protects the mother from breast and ovarian cancer. Risk of Type 2 diabetes is also reduced. Probably the best is that the mother and baby get to bond with each other. As the choices for everything in life increase, moms are making conscious decisions and preparing to breast feed their babies. Gone is the time when you had to skip feeds because you weren’t around, or because you were out in public; you can pump in advance and take it along, or leave it with the baby sitter. This will enable the new mom to be able to get a little extra sleep, or go out to run important errands or simply just have some well-deserved ‘me time’. Dads can feel involved too by feeding their infant the expressed milk.

As the webinar proceeded, Dr. Asavari informed us about the proper way to store and use breastmilk. Breast milk should be stored at the back of the refrigerator where it is the coolest; it can be stored for a couple of hours in such a temperature. When feeding the baby, it has to be thawed in room temperature water; breast milk should never be heated in a microwave or thawed in hot water. It can however be kept in a bottle warmer which brings the milk to the right temperature without spoiling it. Expressing milk can be convenient for moms with multiple children, pumping milk helps from dealing with engorgement of the breasts, and it helps build supply if your baby is fussy or isn’t feeding on regular intervals. Babies who drink milk expressed and directly from the mother tend to accept both options readily.

In the webinar we were introduced to the Little’s Comfort Manual Breast Pump and its features. I discovered through this session the significance of having suction control on your breast pump, as it is this natural suction that not just helps in expressing the milk, but also initiates let down. The Littles Comfort Manual Breast Pump has 5 suction levels, the mother can find the one that’s most comfortable for her. This is due to the SFR technology in the pump, another stand out feature of the pump are the two modes of expressing milk i.e. stimulation and expression. The pump comes with silicon massaging pads that protect the delicate skin of the breast while using the pump. The pump is safe for the baby; all its parts are BPA free. There aren’t many tiny parts to the pump, and assembly is easy too. If you’re looking to venture into breast pumps, do give the Little’s Comfort Manual Breast Pump a go and see for yourself.

The last bit was a Q and A, Dr. Asavari was patient to answer the many questions we moms had about breastfeeding, the Little’s breast pump and other related queries. I was glad and happy to use my blog as means to share what I have learned and spread the love.

Fast and easy Shalgam /Turnip curry

Cooking is a significant part of my day and I try to ensure that it takes the least amount of time, and yeilds the most yummy results. Keeping that in mind, it is also important to think about the benefits of the produce used, I try to be as mindful as possible in not just picking them, but also using them correctly to preserve its benefits.

I made Shalgam curry the other day and shared pics on my instagram, many asked for the the recipe so here it is (Serves 4 adults):

Ingredients:

Turnips (500gms) peeled, washed and chopped into one inch cubes

Onions 2 large chopped finely

Tomato 2 chopped roughly

Green chillis 2 finely chopped (you can add more if you like it spicy)

Ginger garlic paste 1 tbsp

Salt to taste

Corriander powder 1tsp

Cumin Powder 1 tsp

Turmeric powder 1tsp

Sugar 1tsp

Butter 3 Tbsp

Water 1 cup

Fresh coriander 1 bunch divided into two parts (for garnish and to add while cooking)

Method:

Melt the butter, add the green chillis let them fry a little till they change colour. Add Ginger garlic paste, coriander powder, cumin powder and turmeric and stir quickly and add the onions. Mix well, and fry until onions turn slight golden brown. Add the tomatoes, saute till they are half cooked, add salt. The salt helps the tomatoes to cook quickly. When the tomatoes have excreted their water, add the turnips and mix well, check for seasoning and add water. Close pressure cooker, for one whistel on high flame, and 15 minutes on medium to low flame. This will ensure the Turnips are cooked well, as we have chopped them into cubes. If you have sliced them, they will cook faster, and you can cook on Medium to low flame for 5-10 minutes instead.

Safety first! Let the pressure die down before removing the whistle and opening the cooker. The extra left over pressure/steam helps in cooking as well. Stir the curry, roughly break few pieces of turnip with spoon, reduce water till your liking. Now add the sugar and half of your fresh coriander, and let it cook on low flame. The coriander will leave it’s flavours and enhance your dish. When serving garnish with the coriander

You can keep it runny if you are going to eat with rice, or reduce it for thicker gravy.  . We ate it with parathas and I reduced it to a thick gravy. Notice there is not red chilli powder in this curry, but the spicy flavours from the cumin and green chillis will make it flavourful.

Let me know once you have tried it, Happy cooking!

 

 

 

 

2017 The year that was

2017 has been a big year for me. Life is not easy when you’re an adult, and no one prepares you for what can come your way. Fact is, no one knows and you can’t possibly be prepared for everything.

I am hoping this post is probably the last time I think about this year and everything that happened in life until now. I find it liberating to take control of my life to the point where I choose to never ever refer certain years, incidences, people just for my own mental peace. We all deserve to live in the present, and live happily. There’s no need to spend each moment, comparing, contrasting, frustrated. We don’t get the option to go back in time do we?

The year started off with being very close to my due date. Baby Abbas was born in Feb, as a full term blessing and the year ended with getting back my little doll. This is nothing but a blessing. The test of children is always the most difficult.

The months in between were all about the two of them, getting used to taking care of a baby, and working hard to getting back his sister. In the midst of it was an impromptu vacation to Dubai, which went by too quickly. I guess when you become a parent,all your thoughts are in sync with the needs of the kids, and that’s the beauty of this bond. You can be anything in the world, but being a parent lifts you up like nothing else.

The husband and I have experienced a marriage like no other. Court visits, lawyer visits, prayers, advises, hospital visits, so many firsts of Baby Abbas. Having a partner in life that you can share your life with, no facade, no drama, 100% raw and real isn’t easy. Both have to be on the same page, or be able to get the other on the same page 🙂

Education wise, I mentally set aside my graduation from IGNOU in 2017 and with time have released that while I like my subject I am not passionate about it enough to make a career in it in future. Also, I do not like to get degrees that don’t satisfy me, in terms of my effort, and what I have learned during the studying process. I have new plans, but will share them when the time is right, when I am comfortable and sure.

2017 was an eye opener to human behaviour, and the Indian prejudices. I have been shocked and surprised and then shocked some more.  We human beings are very powerful, the beauty is in using it for the good. I have great respect for the people who have the courage to not just acknowledge truth, but also stand up for it. We all want to do it, but we all fail at it most of the time. Some of us don’t even get the opportunity. I respect girls and women who respect another female friend, and family member, who have the guts to stand up and speak what is right, who defend their sister in her absence. Who risk their societal standing for the truth, they get labelled, and shunned too, but the satisfaction of being right, being truthful is beyond any societal prize!

I am happy to have grown, will be taking life in a new direction with 2018. I have never been so excited for a new year.

Here’s a wishing to all my readers, and a big thank you for all the support.

Happy New Year!

Life update!

So it’s been long and I have to give you guys a life update. I haven’t been active on my blog but definitely enjoying the social media. Where have I been you ask? Well I went to Dubai for a much needed break, and enjoyed my time with the siblings. They hadn’t met baby Abbas so that was great. He was totally pampered and enjoyed his stay. It’s too bad that he won’t remember any of it, but I took LOADS of pics for memories!

                   

 

Since I have been back, I have been running around the court to sort out my daughters custody case. And by the grace of Allah and the many prayers of every justice loving person in the world I won in Sept! It’s only a matter of time that she’s reunited with her mother .

My holiday gave me a lot of perspective on things, got to spend some alone time and made note of how I want my life to be. We don’t realise how much we throw some things very dear to us at the back, just because we have become moms. Motherhood doesn’t have to takeover you or your life. If we loose our identities as individuals we will never be a fulfilled parent and role model four our children. Our kids need to learn how to be centered from us.

I have never looked forward to an end of an year before in my life. Right now all I can think of; is how to make 2018 and the following years the best years of my life. I guess with age and experience we learn to take certain things as they come, be patient in some scenarios and fight like a lion in others. I guess that’s what wisdom is all about. I am trying my best to keep motivated, and surround myself by people and media that helps me achieve my goals.

Vacation and all that comes with the mindset

I am all for vacations in life. Married women tend to have a whole another situation when it comes to vacations, especially moms. I have noticed a lot of moms just get too caught up in their routine lives and aren’t able to plan a vacation. For many who live away from their family, their holiday is all about meeting their family than actually exploring the world. It’s almost like a choice you have to make, between family and your lifes goals. We all are not able to take vacations whenever we wish, finance being one of the major reason. With a family to book tickets, and plan an itinerary around, you need a lot more of it!

What I have learned is that “me time” can serve as good mini break while life takes over. We need that time not just to pamper ourselves, but to be able to think about us, and where we are and where we are headed. I often times find life to be moving way too fast to be able to even breath. Especially with a baby around, it gets even more tough, add to that your everyday responsibilities and you’re one lost soul. I have observed that since becoming a mother I very easily put everything that has to do with me to the side. The attitude is ‘Will do it later, after the baby is xyz old…’ It’s like a bottomless list of priorities and whatever has to do with me gets lost in the bottomless pit. Sad isn’t it. Take a moment and think, you too may have thrown some of your lifes goals in that pit!

Thing is no one trains you how to live your life with periodic vacations. No one prepares you for things, mentally, physically, emotionally or even spiritually. I do believe if the moms of my mothers generation were more insightful, thoughtful, or simply vocal, we would be prepared for a lot of what we experience as surprises. Not to blame anyone, I am being realistic, and hence talking about it myself. There will be plenty people ready to make you feel guilty for taking a break, some don’t understand the concept of ‘me time’, and as a mom you are so aware of the incredible list of tasks that you feel bad to skip some to take time out for yourself.

I used to wonder what people get from a ‘weekend getaway’ but now I understand, that few hours away from routine helps a lot. The world isn’t how it used to be before, cycling for hours to school/work, walking to your cousins place, getting together on weekends for a tea, writing letters, and waiting patiently for responses. We live is a world that is too fast paced. We ourselves aren’t ready for what we have created, we do not have the coping mechanisms for our inventions and innovations. So what do we do? We vacay as much as possible, however possible and try to maintain our sanity to get through life 🙂

Blog Train: My Parenting Mantra- Mindfully dealing with the best

This is my first time being part of a blog train. The topic is ‘My parenting Mantra’. All the mommies part of this blog train speak from their personal experience. There’s quite a variety here; new moms, moms to be, moms for years, traveling moms, the whole nine yards! Learnt a lot from them and looking forward the rest of the posts from this train. Click here to check out all the lovely mommies part of this blog train!

Big thank you to Udita, blogger of WithloveZuzu for introducing me, check out her contribution to the blog train here….So let’s get started with my parenting mantra….

No matter how painful the pregnancy or delivery was, popping a baby out either by pushing or by having your tummy cut open is a walk in the park compared to the lifelong commitment to parenting. I realized this only after having a child. Becoming a parent is easy, parenting is not. Through experience, I have been able to conclude that it all boils down to what you want your child to become. Because parenting inevitably will be the basis of your childs personality.

I had an ‘aha’ moment one day trying to reason with my daughter and that was it. That insightful moment, between losing my temper and trying to be as adult, thousands of thoughts ran through my head and one thought struck hard. She (like every child) is the best of Gods creations. Which means she has the potential to be the best version a human being can be, and I need to respect that. And I need to respect her.That thought instantly calmed me down, this phase is just temporary I told myself.

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It is easy for us to think that our children aren’t “capable” and end up doing everything for them, we think of them as “helpless” and make excuses for them, we regard their intellect to be “restricted” and try to make decisions for them…You can add a zillion things to this thought and effect list! But the fact will always remain that the more we liberate them, the better they will be.

Respect is the basis of all relationships, be it with an adult or minor. And children deserve even more respect because they’ve committed lesser sins than you have, and each day are becoming exactly what YOU as a parent are molding them into becoming. Sounds rather scary, but being an adult isn’t all candy and cupcakes now is it?!

When a child knows that he is respected and has a place in the household, he/she will learn to think, empathise and listen to the parents. As human beings we are wired to want respect, it is what separates us from animals and other beings. We have the capacity to voice our needs and the scope to change ourselves according to lifes circumstances.We most definitely can reason with a child, instead of punishing him/her. We can explain to them what’s happening instead of wrongly assuming they won’t understand. Every concept in the world can be explained to a child, in a milder form, with a sweeter tone and patience 🙂

While parenting; I try to remain mindful that this little being might be acting unreasonable but it’s temporary. the tantrum is to understand their boundaries, the attitude is an observation of surroundings, every behaviour links back to them wanting to live up to the best of creations of God. What we feed to them, they become. And being the adult versions of the best creations of God, we need to take responsibility of our poor decisions and be strong enough to accept them in front of our kids (no matter their age).

I am grateful for being born a human, and I would want my children to not just feel that way themselves when they grow up, but also make the people around them feel thankful for it. Our end goals should be to give to the society few good humans, that make life hopeful and worth living. Just do our part. The worst human is the one akin to an animal isn’t it?

I shall stop my rambling here and introduce to you Veena the one and only ‘reading Momster‘, looking forward to gaining insight into her parenting mantra. Comment, share, like and spread the love 🙂

YouTube gurus I am loving right now

Always looking for a way to unwind. I seem to get bored with even my new unwinding ideas! YouTube has been one of the steady ones. And I am glad that in the smart phone world we are able to access YouTube whenever, wherever!

I would go the the lengths of saying that I have a relationship with my YouTube subscribers list, we are BFFs at this point. There are days I tend to lose interest in some of my subscriptions. However in the recent past I have been steadily enjoying few and wanted to share the love 🙂

  • Lily Pebbles – A UK based beauty and lifestyle blogger whose vlogs I am addicted to. She puts up a video every Sun and has recently also started podcast series with another YouTuber. I love her accent, her take on things, and most of all, I totally enjoy how honest and down to earth she is. In her recent two part Q and A video she embraces each question and is super open about her experiences as a YouTuber and the business of things. I also follow her on Instagram, and enjoy her Instastories.

  • Emily Norris– A mommy blogger from the UK. Yes Mommy bloggers are my saviors at times when I feel isolated in my motherhood madness. Her vlogs and videos are fun to watch, I get a lot of inspiration from her parenting with her three kids. I feel if she can do it with three, I should be fine!. I particularly enjoy her vlogs and she is extremely relatable because of her soft spoken nature, and truthful opinions.

  • Danielle Mansutti– She recently moved to the UK and I am totally enjoying her moving vlogs. I somehow feel empowered by his big move on her own to a new city. It’s a good feeling to see young girls following their dreams and taking control of their lives. Let’s face it, moving to a new country ain’t a joke! (She was living in Australia prior to her move just in case you’re curious). I totally loved this particular vlog where she unites with her pug after moving….I am not ven an animal kinda person, but this was emotional!

  • Niomi Smart– Also from UK (OMG are we seeing a trend here!) Niomi is a beauty and health blogger. I am thoroughly inspired by her healthy lifestyle. I am looking for inspiration to loose the baby weight at the moment, and anything that keeps me in the mind set is welcome. Aside from her health, I like that as a beauty blogger she has not lost her head while becoming famous. She’s humble and grateful for her achievement and I feel like I can relate to her in her vlogs. I also love the minimalist yet beautiful make-up she wear. I get appalled by beauty gurus who have a tonne of makeup on all the time, it’s not realistic and doesn’t appeal to me.

  • Kaushal Beauty – An Indian but in UK! She is hands down the most creatively inspiring beauty guru I have found on Youtube. Her looks are easy to do, and are beautiful. She knows how to transform simple looks to glam with her creative eye liner tricks. I think it’s the Indian in her who is not afraid of bright colours, especially in eye makeup. Most importantly, she is the sweetest and it shows through her personality. My favourite videos from her are the Indian get ready with me makeup looks. It’s nice to see her take on makeup when wearing Indian dresses.

  • The Uphill– A mommy from UK, also has another channel called A model recommends. I am subscribed to both, and discovered her on her first channel. Even though I still enjoy the beauty videos on that one, I am enjoying her mommy channel more. She has two kids under 2 and her day in the life videos are fun to watch. I relate to her as a mom who works from home and has a little baby. Her baby and Abbas are around the same age, and so I have been following her videos through her pregnancy 🙂 I like that her content is mature, and real. Mommies don’t have a glam life all the time, and she is not afraid to hide that. In fact I appreciate it and am inspired by her.

Over the years I have grown out of some YouTubers and seen some grow into people I can’t relate to anymore. I do appreciate how much YouTube has helped talented people show their talents and eventually become a brand. However, I personally enjoy YouTubers who stick to the aesthetic of making videos with the same passion, even though YouTube is their bread and butter, they don’t compromise on the roots of their channel.

Do you have any favourites? leave suggestions in the comments below, I shall happily expand my YouTube subscription list.

 

 

 

 

 

What does Patience mean to us?

Patience is by far the most manipulated word I have come across is. Here’s a fun activity to do; ask people around you of varied ages what they mean when they say ‘have patience’. You will get a mixed answers, some may make you feel pessimistic about it, some may make you feel good. You see, patience is like a shawl that all of us have had to wrap ourselves with at some point in our lives. Based on how our issues were resolved we define patience. A lot of the people take patience as a miracle that will cure all problems, but their way to practicing it is just sad.

Patience around me mostly has been defined as to bearing with whatever is happening, basically putting up with whatever rubbish it is that is going on in your life. Now mostly our problems are due to others around us and not so much because of ourselves. So once we do whatever we can to resolve our problems, we have to be patient while others continue to be the way they are and hence continue to mess with our lives. Spiritual people will manipulate patience with no end. They will say God will reward you for your patience (as defined earlier in this para), you shall go to heaven for your patient (ditto) blah blah blah….But I was never satisfied, why would my own creator want me to just sit and suffer?

So I got very interested in the topic of patience/Sabr and found much to read, and understand. Some of the stuff didn’t set with me, as humans we always try to apply every concept to our own personal lives and see if it fits, and if it doesn’t or seems like it doesn’t we totally reject the idea/concept/belief. In Islam patience is of different types, there is much reward for the one who is practicing patience etc etc. Understood. My ultimate understanding of patience was discovered in an interview of Maulana Jaun, it wasn’t even on the topic of patience BTW, but in his talk he cleared the air about it. And that is when the cloud of confusion moved away. However this cloud is one stubborn cloud and keeps coming back, and pushes us to despair.

As struggles in life increase with age, I have noticed that the most difficult problems are the ones caused by others. We don’t control the universe, and anxiety can totally take over our sanity and leave us pessimistic, sad and depressed. The worst state that one can reach due to such happenings in life is despair AKA Yas. (It is the second greater sin in Islam). Basically once you reach there, it’s all downhill!

Anyway, today being the first day of the month of Ramadan, I decided to listen to a lecture I had saved in my ‘watch later’ list on Youtube. Usually in life I have noticed that I go looking for something but somehowI end up with something more. I guess it’s Gods way of guiding His people. Just like the lecture above I actually went about to know more and learn more from and about Bibi Zainab (AS) since I share her name and believe it is important for us to understand the affect of the name of the person on whom you have been named.

It just so happened that Sheikh Jaffer in this lecture speaks about the various good qualities of her, but focuses the majority of his lecture on Patience, and while some of the information (like the types of patience) was already familiar to me, it was his explanation that answered some of my questions, brought peace to my heart, and most importantly gave me the inspiration to be more patient.

Patience in all it’s true meaning, means to be steadfast, while waiting for the results. And so you don’t sit thinking patience is the finality of your struggle, it is what will enable you to work, struggle, move to make things better.  The truth is that it’s a phase, and Islamically your patience being tested is a sign that you are chosen to be tested.

As mothers and human beings, we have the responsibility of a society on us as we nurture future adult members of the society. It also the responsibility of the fathers, but I am focusing on mothers because I am one. And I firmly believe and second Maulana Jaffer in educating and supporting our children in understanding what patience is. And most importantly as parents we need to not just jabber about the theory of patience, but be brave role models. We all know that children learn through what they see, and they should see the beauty in our struggles, so that they are chosen for bigger struggles and grow closer to their creator, and also become the support system for others who are going through a difficult time.

Anyone can make you laugh to take your mind off worries, but it is a true human who will help you through your difficult time by showing you how to be patient, and be patient with you while you struggle 🙂

The IGP experience

As a mom the most frustrating times I have are when I am unable to get out of the house and buy my friends or family members a gift on a special occasion. It is extremely annoying and makes me feel like a proper failure. There are gifting portals online, but I have never been able to find anything interesting or found the websites reliable. However now I do have a savior. Tried and tested! The Indian Gifts Portal aka IGP were kind enough to send me a voucher to try out their website and also purchase gifts. Here’s a lowdown of my experience and what I purchased from the website:

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IGP is Indias largest online gifting store in India, they started their website in 2001, which also makes them the oldest and most experienced in the industry. They specialise  in personalised gifts, flowers, cakes, festival merchandise among others gifting ideas. The website is clean in design, simple to browse and such that you can find a gift easily because of the various links on the home page itself. They have a simple animated video on ‘how it works‘ for anyone who is new to the website.You don’t have to browse through the whole website to find what you are looking for, they have four major categories ; ‘Personalised Gifts‘, ‘Gifts by recipient/occasion‘, flowers and cakes‘ and ‘Gifts by country/city‘. Apart from these, you can also find other filtered links like ‘Gifts for anniversary’, ‘gifts for Birthdays’ etc. They keep in tune with any special days that come up in the calendar like valentines, mothers day, etc. All this helps in streamlining the search and finding the gift.

I had taken this opportunity to buy gifts for my kids; purchased two for Baby Abbas and one for Batool. Fisher-Price Rock-a-stack and Snap-Lock beads and Funskool Sun Catchers. The price sticker for all of these was either removed or scratched,  which is very important if you’re having the gifts wrapped and delivered directly to the recipient. All items of the order were delivered together and on time, I shall leave you with pics of the same now…

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I am aware of a couple more gifting sites, but haven’t dared to try them. It was very nice of IGP to approach me to try it out as a courtesy.

My experience with the customer support was satisfying, I was having some issues with placing the order because of crappy internet, and wanted some information on a product as well, so I had reached out to their customer care and they were very helpful. The helpline operator, made a note of my query, gave me an estimate of when she would get back to me with the information I needed, and she stuck to it. I was very pleased with their service. When it comes to buying gifts for someone you want to make sure that everything is perfect and there should be no room for mishaps.

Nothing in the world is perfect is it? Critically analysing the website makes me want them to have a larger range especially for little kids, it would be nice to purchase products that I or anyone may not otherwise find on other retail stores in India as gifts. Also, since I was placing my order around the Mothers day the website was very slow, which also I got clarified by the help-desk that it was because they were constantly working on the website by adding new products for mothers day. But still it kind of was annoying.

Having said that , I will give IGP 4/5 and will definitely turn to them for future gift purchases. Especially since many of my friends and family reside in Dubai I always tend to lose out on doing something special for them, sending a bouquet of fresh flowers, or a personalised gift from here, would enable me to express my love for them. IGP delivers to over 90 countries, and over 350 cities have same day delivery option! Isn’t that impressive?

Highly recommend the site, have you ever purchased anything from there?

Moms we should be talking about

Mothers Day went by and brought a lot of joys for moms across the globe. The social media exploded with posts, photos, heart warming messages and quotes, videos and loads of competitions/giveaways. There was happiness everywhere. I am a mom too, and I pondered over my life and the many moms that I know of. Deep thoughts made me realise that we don’t discuss some mothers. We are too caught up in the normalcy of life, and the struggles we see in common around us that we do not think beyond them to realise a fellow mom exists who isn’t in the same state as us.

This Mothers day I thought deeply of the moms like me, Moms who visit the courts to fight for their childs custody. I at-least have baby Abbas with me now, to feel more like a hands on mother, but what about the mothers who are struggling in our judicial system fighting in court for the best interest of their child? Dealing with an ego-centric ex-husband, not being allowed visitations! Thoughts led me to think about the moms who aren’t living the ordinary life. They don’t get a card or gift from their child, because their child passed away….Moms who are trying to make a living on their own as single parents, moms who have just separated or divorced and are trying to figure out the dynamic of their new life…moms who have child/ren with disabilities….moms who have children fighting for their life in hospitals..moms who chose to be moms and adopted children…..moms who have recently lost their moms…moms who may be battling a life threatening disease…moms who have been separated from their children due to war, moms who are unable to meet their children waiting for visitations rights….Moms who have children who have not turned out to be morally sound….Moms who are consoling daughters/sons who have been through abuse…..moms who became moms due to assault…They are all moms aren’t they?

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From my personal experience I have learned that; yes, in our country and culture moms are given much respect. But a lot of that is in words. “Maa” they say, but sometimes a mother can be another mothers worst enemy. I guess it’s only when you go through certain experiences do you recognise the honest people from the big-talkers. Everyone says moms are the most important person in the lives of children, yet we aren’t as aware of the severity of mommy struggles that surround us. Truly mothers are the strongest creatures on earth. I remember my moms prayers, whenever she used to hear the sound of speeding sports bikes in the late hours of the night, she used to say “May Allah give patience to the mothers of these boys”. I’m talking about school days, the thoughts that used to come to my mind were ‘oh cool, they’re going by like lightening…or I wish I could ride a bike that fast…..or why can’t be quieter….’ But since my mom voiced her concern as the mother, empathising with the moms of those biker boys I realised that there is such a solid perspective to this. How many times a day or month or even year do we think from the mothers perspective? How many of us have tried to think about the experience of the mother whenever her child goes through something?

I tell myself during my mommy struggles that, at-least I have faith, and the faith in God is the best. I am grateful that I am not a refugee separated from my child, I am grateful that my child hasn’t died in a shooting at school, or been killed by terrorists or extremist groups. As a mother I think it’s important to empathise, put ourselves in the shoes of other mums, even if it’s just in our thoughts and try to understand what the other moms are going through. Only a mom can understand another mom.

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This may not have been the most chirpy, candyfloss and balloons kind of a post, but important none the less. It’s extremely important for us to discuss the societal issues, and value EVERY mom, and think about the not-so-common struggles of a mother, and if not be able to help, be grateful that we aren’t facing them 🙂

I request prayers from everyone for my pending custody case, hope to get my daughter back soon and give her the life she deserves.