Life update!

So it’s been long and I have to give you guys a life update. I haven’t been active on my blog but definitely enjoying the social media. Where have I been you ask? Well I went to Dubai for a much needed break, and enjoyed my time with the siblings. They hadn’t met baby Abbas so that was great. He was totally pampered and enjoyed his stay. It’s too bad that he won’t remember any of it, but I took LOADS of pics for memories!

                   

 

Since I have been back, I have been running around the court to sort out my daughters custody case. And by the grace of Allah and the many prayers of every justice loving person in the world I won in Sept! It’s only a matter of time that she’s reunited with her mother .

My holiday gave me a lot of perspective on things, got to spend some alone time and made note of how I want my life to be. We don’t realise how much we throw some things very dear to us at the back, just because we have become moms. Motherhood doesn’t have to takeover you or your life. If we loose our identities as individuals we will never be a fulfilled parent and role model four our children. Our kids need to learn how to be centered from us.

I have never looked forward to an end of an year before in my life. Right now all I can think of; is how to make 2018 and the following years the best years of my life. I guess with age and experience we learn to take certain things as they come, be patient in some scenarios and fight like a lion in others. I guess that’s what wisdom is all about. I am trying my best to keep motivated, and surround myself by people and media that helps me achieve my goals.

Vacation and all that comes with the mindset

I am all for vacations in life. Married women tend to have a whole another situation when it comes to vacations, especially moms. I have noticed a lot of moms just get too caught up in their routine lives and aren’t able to plan a vacation. For many who live away from their family, their holiday is all about meeting their family than actually exploring the world. It’s almost like a choice you have to make, between family and your lifes goals. We all are not able to take vacations whenever we wish, finance being one of the major reason. With a family to book tickets, and plan an itinerary around, you need a lot more of it!

What I have learned is that “me time” can serve as good mini break while life takes over. We need that time not just to pamper ourselves, but to be able to think about us, and where we are and where we are headed. I often times find life to be moving way too fast to be able to even breath. Especially with a baby around, it gets even more tough, add to that your everyday responsibilities and you’re one lost soul. I have observed that since becoming a mother I very easily put everything that has to do with me to the side. The attitude is ‘Will do it later, after the baby is xyz old…’ It’s like a bottomless list of priorities and whatever has to do with me gets lost in the bottomless pit. Sad isn’t it. Take a moment and think, you too may have thrown some of your lifes goals in that pit!

Thing is no one trains you how to live your life with periodic vacations. No one prepares you for things, mentally, physically, emotionally or even spiritually. I do believe if the moms of my mothers generation were more insightful, thoughtful, or simply vocal, we would be prepared for a lot of what we experience as surprises. Not to blame anyone, I am being realistic, and hence talking about it myself. There will be plenty people ready to make you feel guilty for taking a break, some don’t understand the concept of ‘me time’, and as a mom you are so aware of the incredible list of tasks that you feel bad to skip some to take time out for yourself.

I used to wonder what people get from a ‘weekend getaway’ but now I understand, that few hours away from routine helps a lot. The world isn’t how it used to be before, cycling for hours to school/work, walking to your cousins place, getting together on weekends for a tea, writing letters, and waiting patiently for responses. We live is a world that is too fast paced. We ourselves aren’t ready for what we have created, we do not have the coping mechanisms for our inventions and innovations. So what do we do? We vacay as much as possible, however possible and try to maintain our sanity to get through life 🙂

28 years of learning, thoughts, wisdom and life

Another year has passed and I am 28. And while some things have changed, some things just haven’t. Some of those make me happy some of them not so much. I wonder more than ever before, what life has become. And it leaves me filled with questions. Questions, I don’t have answers for, I will look for them, until I lose hope.

Fact is, at 28 I feel like an old soul. I am not suicidal, but I feel like I have lived my share of struggles. I guess the pessimist in me has more power over the optimist. At times I wonder where I lost her. Which phase of life made me loose connection with her. Some days are more colourful than others, but I guess I am looking for some level of settlement in life.

I am grateful though. As grateful as you can be in my circumstance, and I am happy that I still have the intellect to look at others and be thankful for my life. Some thoughts have been recurring in the past year. Mainly when looking at others, I am not a hypocrite. I know some people are destined for hell, their actions, words, and the fleet that supports them too will drown in the fury of hell fire. I am glad I am not them.

Coming closer to thirties scares me. I don’t know why. Maybe I had very high expectations from myself. Then again, I know I was very well capable of achieving them. But then life happens. I don’t know when I will get myself to accept the present, the reality, the truth. It’s like a mind block that’s become a road block.

I guess the lesson learned is to not plan beyond a year. Maybe that’s too much planning. As each day I realise that maybe it’s time for setting targets and focusing a decent amount of time on mental preparation. Being head strong is everything, with age I think we can become our own hurdle.

It’s rather odd that I have to console and tell myself that I have achieved a lot in my twenties. It’s difficult to accept them as achievements sometimes. I have so much in pending. One thing is for sure, It’s better to dream, than to not dream at all. Because it takes courage and planning and intellect to set goals for yourself. It requires insight, and passion. We don’t control circumstances, Allah does. At-least I will die struggling, and working toward a better tomorrow for myself.

Blog Train: My Parenting Mantra- Mindfully dealing with the best

This is my first time being part of a blog train. The topic is ‘My parenting Mantra’. All the mommies part of this blog train speak from their personal experience. There’s quite a variety here; new moms, moms to be, moms for years, traveling moms, the whole nine yards! Learnt a lot from them and looking forward the rest of the posts from this train. Click here to check out all the lovely mommies part of this blog train!

Big thank you to Udita, blogger of WithloveZuzu for introducing me, check out her contribution to the blog train here….So let’s get started with my parenting mantra….

No matter how painful the pregnancy or delivery was, popping a baby out either by pushing or by having your tummy cut open is a walk in the park compared to the lifelong commitment to parenting. I realized this only after having a child. Becoming a parent is easy, parenting is not. Through experience, I have been able to conclude that it all boils down to what you want your child to become. Because parenting inevitably will be the basis of your childs personality.

I had an ‘aha’ moment one day trying to reason with my daughter and that was it. That insightful moment, between losing my temper and trying to be as adult, thousands of thoughts ran through my head and one thought struck hard. She (like every child) is the best of Gods creations. Which means she has the potential to be the best version a human being can be, and I need to respect that. And I need to respect her.That thought instantly calmed me down, this phase is just temporary I told myself.

hqdefault-7

It is easy for us to think that our children aren’t “capable” and end up doing everything for them, we think of them as “helpless” and make excuses for them, we regard their intellect to be “restricted” and try to make decisions for them…You can add a zillion things to this thought and effect list! But the fact will always remain that the more we liberate them, the better they will be.

Respect is the basis of all relationships, be it with an adult or minor. And children deserve even more respect because they’ve committed lesser sins than you have, and each day are becoming exactly what YOU as a parent are molding them into becoming. Sounds rather scary, but being an adult isn’t all candy and cupcakes now is it?!

When a child knows that he is respected and has a place in the household, he/she will learn to think, empathise and listen to the parents. As human beings we are wired to want respect, it is what separates us from animals and other beings. We have the capacity to voice our needs and the scope to change ourselves according to lifes circumstances.We most definitely can reason with a child, instead of punishing him/her. We can explain to them what’s happening instead of wrongly assuming they won’t understand. Every concept in the world can be explained to a child, in a milder form, with a sweeter tone and patience 🙂

While parenting; I try to remain mindful that this little being might be acting unreasonable but it’s temporary. the tantrum is to understand their boundaries, the attitude is an observation of surroundings, every behaviour links back to them wanting to live up to the best of creations of God. What we feed to them, they become. And being the adult versions of the best creations of God, we need to take responsibility of our poor decisions and be strong enough to accept them in front of our kids (no matter their age).

I am grateful for being born a human, and I would want my children to not just feel that way themselves when they grow up, but also make the people around them feel thankful for it. Our end goals should be to give to the society few good humans, that make life hopeful and worth living. Just do our part. The worst human is the one akin to an animal isn’t it?

I shall stop my rambling here and introduce to you Veena the one and only ‘reading Momster‘, looking forward to gaining insight into her parenting mantra. Comment, share, like and spread the love 🙂

YouTube gurus I am loving right now

Always looking for a way to unwind. I seem to get bored with even my new unwinding ideas! YouTube has been one of the steady ones. And I am glad that in the smart phone world we are able to access YouTube whenever, wherever!

I would go the the lengths of saying that I have a relationship with my YouTube subscribers list, we are BFFs at this point. There are days I tend to lose interest in some of my subscriptions. However in the recent past I have been steadily enjoying few and wanted to share the love 🙂

  • Lily Pebbles – A UK based beauty and lifestyle blogger whose vlogs I am addicted to. She puts up a video every Sun and has recently also started podcast series with another YouTuber. I love her accent, her take on things, and most of all, I totally enjoy how honest and down to earth she is. In her recent two part Q and A video she embraces each question and is super open about her experiences as a YouTuber and the business of things. I also follow her on Instagram, and enjoy her Instastories.

  • Emily Norris– A mommy blogger from the UK. Yes Mommy bloggers are my saviors at times when I feel isolated in my motherhood madness. Her vlogs and videos are fun to watch, I get a lot of inspiration from her parenting with her three kids. I feel if she can do it with three, I should be fine!. I particularly enjoy her vlogs and she is extremely relatable because of her soft spoken nature, and truthful opinions.

  • Danielle Mansutti– She recently moved to the UK and I am totally enjoying her moving vlogs. I somehow feel empowered by his big move on her own to a new city. It’s a good feeling to see young girls following their dreams and taking control of their lives. Let’s face it, moving to a new country ain’t a joke! (She was living in Australia prior to her move just in case you’re curious). I totally loved this particular vlog where she unites with her pug after moving….I am not ven an animal kinda person, but this was emotional!

  • Niomi Smart– Also from UK (OMG are we seeing a trend here!) Niomi is a beauty and health blogger. I am thoroughly inspired by her healthy lifestyle. I am looking for inspiration to loose the baby weight at the moment, and anything that keeps me in the mind set is welcome. Aside from her health, I like that as a beauty blogger she has not lost her head while becoming famous. She’s humble and grateful for her achievement and I feel like I can relate to her in her vlogs. I also love the minimalist yet beautiful make-up she wear. I get appalled by beauty gurus who have a tonne of makeup on all the time, it’s not realistic and doesn’t appeal to me.

  • Kaushal Beauty – An Indian but in UK! She is hands down the most creatively inspiring beauty guru I have found on Youtube. Her looks are easy to do, and are beautiful. She knows how to transform simple looks to glam with her creative eye liner tricks. I think it’s the Indian in her who is not afraid of bright colours, especially in eye makeup. Most importantly, she is the sweetest and it shows through her personality. My favourite videos from her are the Indian get ready with me makeup looks. It’s nice to see her take on makeup when wearing Indian dresses.

  • The Uphill– A mommy from UK, also has another channel called A model recommends. I am subscribed to both, and discovered her on her first channel. Even though I still enjoy the beauty videos on that one, I am enjoying her mommy channel more. She has two kids under 2 and her day in the life videos are fun to watch. I relate to her as a mom who works from home and has a little baby. Her baby and Abbas are around the same age, and so I have been following her videos through her pregnancy 🙂 I like that her content is mature, and real. Mommies don’t have a glam life all the time, and she is not afraid to hide that. In fact I appreciate it and am inspired by her.

Over the years I have grown out of some YouTubers and seen some grow into people I can’t relate to anymore. I do appreciate how much YouTube has helped talented people show their talents and eventually become a brand. However, I personally enjoy YouTubers who stick to the aesthetic of making videos with the same passion, even though YouTube is their bread and butter, they don’t compromise on the roots of their channel.

Do you have any favourites? leave suggestions in the comments below, I shall happily expand my YouTube subscription list.

 

 

 

 

 

What does Patience mean to us?

Patience is by far the most manipulated word I have come across is. Here’s a fun activity to do; ask people around you of varied ages what they mean when they say ‘have patience’. You will get a mixed answers, some may make you feel pessimistic about it, some may make you feel good. You see, patience is like a shawl that all of us have had to wrap ourselves with at some point in our lives. Based on how our issues were resolved we define patience. A lot of the people take patience as a miracle that will cure all problems, but their way to practicing it is just sad.

Patience around me mostly has been defined as to bearing with whatever is happening, basically putting up with whatever rubbish it is that is going on in your life. Now mostly our problems are due to others around us and not so much because of ourselves. So once we do whatever we can to resolve our problems, we have to be patient while others continue to be the way they are and hence continue to mess with our lives. Spiritual people will manipulate patience with no end. They will say God will reward you for your patience (as defined earlier in this para), you shall go to heaven for your patient (ditto) blah blah blah….But I was never satisfied, why would my own creator want me to just sit and suffer?

So I got very interested in the topic of patience/Sabr and found much to read, and understand. Some of the stuff didn’t set with me, as humans we always try to apply every concept to our own personal lives and see if it fits, and if it doesn’t or seems like it doesn’t we totally reject the idea/concept/belief. In Islam patience is of different types, there is much reward for the one who is practicing patience etc etc. Understood. My ultimate understanding of patience was discovered in an interview of Maulana Jaun, it wasn’t even on the topic of patience BTW, but in his talk he cleared the air about it. And that is when the cloud of confusion moved away. However this cloud is one stubborn cloud and keeps coming back, and pushes us to despair.

As struggles in life increase with age, I have noticed that the most difficult problems are the ones caused by others. We don’t control the universe, and anxiety can totally take over our sanity and leave us pessimistic, sad and depressed. The worst state that one can reach due to such happenings in life is despair AKA Yas. (It is the second greater sin in Islam). Basically once you reach there, it’s all downhill!

Anyway, today being the first day of the month of Ramadan, I decided to listen to a lecture I had saved in my ‘watch later’ list on Youtube. Usually in life I have noticed that I go looking for something but somehowI end up with something more. I guess it’s Gods way of guiding His people. Just like the lecture above I actually went about to know more and learn more from and about Bibi Zainab (AS) since I share her name and believe it is important for us to understand the affect of the name of the person on whom you have been named.

It just so happened that Sheikh Jaffer in this lecture speaks about the various good qualities of her, but focuses the majority of his lecture on Patience, and while some of the information (like the types of patience) was already familiar to me, it was his explanation that answered some of my questions, brought peace to my heart, and most importantly gave me the inspiration to be more patient.

Patience in all it’s true meaning, means to be steadfast, while waiting for the results. And so you don’t sit thinking patience is the finality of your struggle, it is what will enable you to work, struggle, move to make things better.  The truth is that it’s a phase, and Islamically your patience being tested is a sign that you are chosen to be tested.

As mothers and human beings, we have the responsibility of a society on us as we nurture future adult members of the society. It also the responsibility of the fathers, but I am focusing on mothers because I am one. And I firmly believe and second Maulana Jaffer in educating and supporting our children in understanding what patience is. And most importantly as parents we need to not just jabber about the theory of patience, but be brave role models. We all know that children learn through what they see, and they should see the beauty in our struggles, so that they are chosen for bigger struggles and grow closer to their creator, and also become the support system for others who are going through a difficult time.

Anyone can make you laugh to take your mind off worries, but it is a true human who will help you through your difficult time by showing you how to be patient, and be patient with you while you struggle 🙂

Moms we should be talking about

Mothers Day went by and brought a lot of joys for moms across the globe. The social media exploded with posts, photos, heart warming messages and quotes, videos and loads of competitions/giveaways. There was happiness everywhere. I am a mom too, and I pondered over my life and the many moms that I know of. Deep thoughts made me realise that we don’t discuss some mothers. We are too caught up in the normalcy of life, and the struggles we see in common around us that we do not think beyond them to realise a fellow mom exists who isn’t in the same state as us.

This Mothers day I thought deeply of the moms like me, Moms who visit the courts to fight for their childs custody. I at-least have baby Abbas with me now, to feel more like a hands on mother, but what about the mothers who are struggling in our judicial system fighting in court for the best interest of their child? Dealing with an ego-centric ex-husband, not being allowed visitations! Thoughts led me to think about the moms who aren’t living the ordinary life. They don’t get a card or gift from their child, because their child passed away….Moms who are trying to make a living on their own as single parents, moms who have just separated or divorced and are trying to figure out the dynamic of their new life…moms who have child/ren with disabilities….moms who have children fighting for their life in hospitals..moms who chose to be moms and adopted children…..moms who have recently lost their moms…moms who may be battling a life threatening disease…moms who have been separated from their children due to war, moms who are unable to meet their children waiting for visitations rights….Moms who have children who have not turned out to be morally sound….Moms who are consoling daughters/sons who have been through abuse…..moms who became moms due to assault…They are all moms aren’t they?

Screenshot_20170517-170842_1

From my personal experience I have learned that; yes, in our country and culture moms are given much respect. But a lot of that is in words. “Maa” they say, but sometimes a mother can be another mothers worst enemy. I guess it’s only when you go through certain experiences do you recognise the honest people from the big-talkers. Everyone says moms are the most important person in the lives of children, yet we aren’t as aware of the severity of mommy struggles that surround us. Truly mothers are the strongest creatures on earth. I remember my moms prayers, whenever she used to hear the sound of speeding sports bikes in the late hours of the night, she used to say “May Allah give patience to the mothers of these boys”. I’m talking about school days, the thoughts that used to come to my mind were ‘oh cool, they’re going by like lightening…or I wish I could ride a bike that fast…..or why can’t be quieter….’ But since my mom voiced her concern as the mother, empathising with the moms of those biker boys I realised that there is such a solid perspective to this. How many times a day or month or even year do we think from the mothers perspective? How many of us have tried to think about the experience of the mother whenever her child goes through something?

I tell myself during my mommy struggles that, at-least I have faith, and the faith in God is the best. I am grateful that I am not a refugee separated from my child, I am grateful that my child hasn’t died in a shooting at school, or been killed by terrorists or extremist groups. As a mother I think it’s important to empathise, put ourselves in the shoes of other mums, even if it’s just in our thoughts and try to understand what the other moms are going through. Only a mom can understand another mom.

Screenshot_20170517-171651_1

This may not have been the most chirpy, candyfloss and balloons kind of a post, but important none the less. It’s extremely important for us to discuss the societal issues, and value EVERY mom, and think about the not-so-common struggles of a mother, and if not be able to help, be grateful that we aren’t facing them 🙂

I request prayers from everyone for my pending custody case, hope to get my daughter back soon and give her the life she deserves.

Trying food at La Mexicana

I am not a foodie, but when I step out of the house and have planned to eat somewhere the food better be good. As a mother who is the cook of the house I take my meals outside very seriously. It is my opportunity to eat something I haven’t sweat myself into cooking, which is also why I try new cuisines whenever possible or at-least something different.

IMAG1660


With baby Abbas’ demanding schedules it has been rather difficult to get anything done, let alone going out for lunch or dinner. I got a good reason to break that jinx when La Mexicana invited me to taste some of their food. Going all the way to KPHB from old city was 100% worth it, the food, ambience, staff everything is just wow at the place. Here are some of the dishes I tried:
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bean Fritters- They were crispy and filled with beans and cheese, just yummy.

IMAG1642.jpg

Nachos Rancheros with chicken- in every bite the black beans just gave a burst of flavour I have never tasted before. The crispy tortilla chips and the cheese with the pica de gallo topped with the chefs custom made sour cream is just wow. It is a must try appetizer. I must say, for an appetizer it was pretty filling even though me and the husband shared it.

IMAG1545

La Burrito-half of the burrito was taken home for two reasons, one; we couldn’t just manage to eat it all, and two; we had to have people at home taste it. It is my sincere advice to order a take away for family while you’re there. The burrito is basically a large flour tortilla wrap which contains the black beans, salsa, rice, Mexican cheese and chipotle ranch dressing. Ours was with chicken, there’s vegetarian option for all their dishes.

IMAG1550

Quesadillas- This has to be my favourite dish served at La Mexicana (Although I haven’t tasted the whole menu). The flour tortilla is grilled and gives a slight crispiness and the  grilled peppers give it a rustic flavour even though they retain their juiciness.

IMAG1547

The next two were tried with a purpose, I could not have left without exploring their salad. It looked super appetizing in the pics on their facebook page. hence the Southwest Chipotle Salad was dug into. It is difficult to find salads that don’t make you feel like you’re missing out on flavour and good ingredients, this was obviously with chicken. And I loved every bite of it, till the end I could taste every ingredient, all of them were in balance. It was a good filling portion as well. The crispy Tortilla chips took the salad to another level!

IMAG1646

Enchiladas I was told the chilli in these were imported from Mexico, how could I deny not tasting then? I am not a chilli person but this dish wasn’t going to kill you. I have eaten some really dangerous food in Hyderabad when it comes to red chilli involvement. It was served with a generous portion rice and black beans.

And for dessert the Sopapilla, I loved it because it was the ideal dessert after eating all that food. It was light and sweet but not too sweet, the cinnamon powder and icing sugar gave it a melting texture in the mouth. This dessert should definitely be eaten fresh at the restaurant.

They have an open kitchen and the ambience is creative, there’s plenty Mexican inspired decoration on the walls, even some humor. It kind of transfers you into another place. This is the only quick service Mexican restaurant in Hyderabad and they’re good at what they do. The only problem is that it’s super far. I have been told that they are going to open up more branches in the city, hoping for one in Banjara Hills area (Fingers crossed).

IMAG1408IMAG1407

Totally recommend it, they have a kids menu as well, so if you’re a mom like me, take your kids to La Mexicana and have them experience a different cuisine as well. The good thing is even though it’s fast food, it’s healthy. They make their dishes from fresh ingredients and everything is made to order. Everything I have eaten was just bang on, I am looking forward to tasting their guacamole, they make it only when the avocados are in season, I respect that about La Mexicana, they definitely are focused on providing fresh ingredients to their customers, otherwise frozen avocados could very well be used like other restaurants.

Let me know in the comments below if you’ve tried anything at La Mexicana, and what have your favourites been…

Baby Skin myths busted

Us moms have heard more than our fair share of unsolicited advice and have been bombarded by information that’s just false!. Some of us discover through experience, or via reading, or from using our own brain that some of these things are just not worth paying attention to. It’s only a matter of time that we realise that our instincts are the most reliable and mommies know what’s best for their children!

Here’s a post I wrote on World Of Moms on the same….Click below to read up and share the love!

http://www.worldofmoms.com/blog/things-people-told-me-about-baby-skin-care-and-what-i-eventually-learnt/1280/2?utm_source=vidya_suri&utm_medium=hyderabadimom.wordpress.com&utm_content=ithings-people-told-me-about-baby-skin-care-and-what-i-eventually-learnt&utm_campaign=influencer_campaign_baby_dove

 

 

Himalaya for moms toning massage oil review

Continuing the Himalaya for moms exploration, today I will discuss the amazing toning massage oil by the new range sent to me by Himalaya. The whole range of Himalaya FOR MOMS is aimed at shifting focus on the mother who needs the care and pampering just as much as her little baby. Since it is Himalaya bringing about these lovely products, it’s a mix of Ayurveda and years of scientific research, among the products launched in this range are nipple care butter, 3 scents of body butters, and anti-rash cream.

imag0807

Himalaya describes the toning massage oil as being ‘enriched with the goodness of traditional sesame oil that tones and firms the skin and winter cherry that rejuvenates and nourishes the body. Country mallow soothes the skin while lavender fragrance calms and soothes the mind’ The ethos of the product come from the fact that massages have had a therapeutic value since ages, and there’s no doubt a mom needs a pampering and relaxing massage post pregnancy while she juggles between motherhood and looking after herself. Himalaya has been a pioneer in educating it’s customer on not just the ingredients of the product but how the product itself helps; and they explain in 4 simple points the benefits of daily postpartum massages:
1. Tones and relaxes muscles
2. Relieves muscle aches and joint pains, eases fatigue
3. Reduces anxiety and stress, promotes relaxation and sleep
4. Helps improve skin firmness and smoothness

imag0808

The beauty of this product is the pleasant fragrance; it’s not too strong or too light. You don’t get any pungent herbal smell considering there is sesame oil and herbal ingredients in the oil, which makes this not only easy on the body for the mother, but also for the one massaging. You sister, mother, husband, friend anyone would enjoy the experience of massaging you. The consistency of the oil isn’t too thick and sticky, it spreads evenly and is easy to massage into the skin. It absorbs quickly, this is great if you’re the kind who prefers to take a nap post massage. You won’t feel uncomfortable and “oily”. Also, it isn’t hard work to wash off in shower. Packaging wise the bottle comes with a flip lid and oil pours out with ease, it’s not a hassle to deal with, you can control the amount of product you want coming out and the bottle has all the information you require on its label from ingredients, to directions of use.

The bottle I was sent in the hamper along with other products from the Himalaya For moms FOR MOMS range is 200ml and retails for INR200. The calming fragrance of lavender helps in soothing the mind, and promotes good sleep.Overall I will give this product a 4/5