What is therapeutic for you?

You don’t have to be a mom to understand those moments or days where you are just furious. Anger is a natural emotion that all of us experience and it’s not a negative emotion unless it’s expressed wrongly. Some days you can sense the frustration build up enough to predict an explosion, sometimes if you’re moody, it may just creep up on you suddenly. In all cases, it’s NORMAL to feel anger, just like all the other plethora of emotions. The following lyrics from an old Avril Lavigne (Runaway) song is very descriptive of these type of days.

‘Got off on the wrong side of life today, yeah

Crashed the car and I’m gonna be really late.

My phone doesn’t work cos it’s out of range,

Looks like it’s just one of those kinda days’

The point now is to try to find those things that calm you down. For me there are some things that I find very therapeutic, like washing the dishes and cleaning. Yes! Cleaning! It has a positive effect because I feel in control, I feel like I am removing some part of dirt/negativity out, and in the end I get the overall  feeling of ‘accomplishment’ because let’s face it I was being productive. Also, no one will disturb you when you’re busy washing the dishes, if anything they will leave you alone so that they won’t be given any part of that responsibility 😉

Cooking too has a therapeutic effect on some, as does art or writing. What I have noticed is that in a state of frustration or anger, we need to release energy. This is the negative energy build up in our mind and body that needs to be exhausted out of you, in order to  truly feel better. It’s not always emotions, anger always sends messages to the body to react in some way, we can definitely feel/visualise some physical symptoms of anger. Working out, going for a walk are great ways to let go of those thoughts and feelings.

Relaxing via deep breaths and meditation can surely calm us down, but eventually having a regular outlet to your emotions and energies is very important. It’s an instant mood lifter.

What do you find therapeutic for yourself?

Take a minute, you're fabulous

Have you ever been in a situation where you’ve received the same advice from the same friend you gave the same advice to, few days earlier? I guess we all have!

No matter where in the world you are, as women we are struggling, there are some common gender bias struggles, some uncommon issues unique to only us, add the mind mess that we create for ourselves and you have the recipe of unsatisfied women!

Well, it’s natural for us to be caught up on agendas, and goals, it’s great to set goals in life, have a bucket list or something to keep you focussed, at the same time we have to also appreciate the efforts we have put in and most importantly celebrate in whatever little way the achievements we have accomplished. The simple pat on the back can go a long way, just your favourite ice-cream, cooking the dish that YOU like for a change, wearing the lipstick that has been crying for use for months, just anything to reward yourself, because you know you’ve worked hard!

This was the realisation my friend tried to grill into my head the other day, that I just jump onto making a new list of to-dos and goals without appreciating the ones I have ticked off, lord knows it took time and energy and effort ad dedication to achieve those in the first place. We tend to skip this very crucial step and then end up feeling like we’re in a constant rut of trying to fulfill aims without satisfaction.

We put pressure on ourselves, we raise the bar higher and higher each time, and while that’s fantastic, especially if you’re a goal driven woman, it is also important just tell the world to appreciate you. Shift the spot light on to yourself and bask in the glory of your hard-work, resilience and patience. In all this craziness, I appreciate that I have friends who can understand what I am going through, and can relate to my thought processes.

It is extremely difficult as women to find that empathic, unconditional support, we often put too much expectation on our family when our friends can support us just as much. The mum will grow old, and there will be generation gap, find your own circle of strength and keep flying.

And whenever you find yourself in an endless to-do list, remind yourself to take a minute, You are fabulous!

I just need quiet

Days of low motivation. Very subjective these things even for me. I may have 10 things to do, but they’re all more or less the same. Actually they are the same. I’ve been studying, running the Sunday school, working at a school, being a mommy, freelance writing/blogging for years now. The type of work hasn’t changed, but motivational levels fluctuate.

I have always tried to figure out what comes in the middle of my motivated zeal, because there are days when the plan is to wait till the daughter falls asleep so I can pursue all my studying and writing. And when she does, for some very embarrassing reason I don’t do anything. I end up wasting time on Youtube, or watching a movie, or just whiling away time on the internet.

But tonight I realized, that it’s because I function in quiet. Uninterrupted concentrated time. And hence I have decided to find myself more quiet time, and scenarios where I can work without being interrupted. Because studying requires concentration and while I have learned for the most part to be able to perform with auditory interference, I still need that solid 2 hours time to accomplish what needs to be accomplished.

As mommies we are forced to multi-task, and I have become really good at writing and listening, and typing and listening. I can engage in both activities with ease now. And sometimes I am amazed at how I am able to do that. The coffee helps in that, but when you have a toddler and an exam together, you will learn to manage.

So at-least the mystery is solved, studying can take place only in a peaceful quiet environment, doesn’t matter how exhausted I get I still have the enthusiasm to continue and finish off whatever assignment I have started., it’s because even my mind values peace and quiet. Will hit the library for this, at least on my Thursdays.

Do you have any studying tips mommies?

Low IQ days

So today was Thursday, the only day I have off. And well I had an agenda, a very productive one. Didn’t do squat!

Dropped the daughter at school, came back up, and thought I’d take a nap. Now I blame the Hyderabad world for this, nothing really start till 11AM here, so I thought I’ll put an alarm for 10 and will go about with my day. But guess what? I didn’t! I slept till 12, shamelessly got up, counted the number of hours left before I embark on picking the daughter up from school, called me friend, spoke to her, called another friend, spoke to her. And then I thought maybe a cup of coffee will raise some shame.

So I went into the kitchen, ate breakfast standing, didn’t bother with the coffee. I thought After such a long time I am having a full day to myself and I like that I am chilling. Caffeine plan cancelled.

Switched on the lappy, checked e-mail, and by that I mean just checked didn’t open any mail. Maybe ‘viewed’ would be the right adjective. And wasted hours on FB, doing nothing, just nothing, reading this and sharing that. All the while my Super Ego kept saying “Do something!!!”. But I didn’t bother.

I wasted so much time online, that I got exhausted, switched off the lappy and lazed around till 3PM. Went to pick up the daughter from school, and basically did not do anything productive the whole day. And you know what! I have made the conscious decision to just not do anything today. Cos I am human, and living in this typa stress is just not right.

The daughter is watching Peppa Pig, and now I sit blogging, cos let’s face it I have done everything else there is to do in order to waste time!

You know you’ve really been up to nothing, when you message a friend and say ‘I am bored’…The only productive thing maybe that happened today was a load of laundry, which BTW i just dumped into the machine and the machine worked its magic.

Lazy days are okay. Today reminded me that I truly didn’t have one Thursday off since I came back from Dubai in May. While I was browsing FB, my brain told me, ‘you’ve been upto some proper low IQ shit today’ and that was an insight for me!, I thought Hmm, let’s blog about that!

One year closer to death.

Hehe, I know sounds rather pessimistic when talking about a birthday, but hey! let’s be realistic! hehe

I don’t like celebrating birthdays (read fact #19), because I view them as my title suggests, but I do think it’s a good day to let others in your life know how much you appreciate them. Plus any other time of the year people won’t buy you presents (you shall laugh now)

Since 14th July marked finalisation of the Irans Nuclear agreement, the younger brother made brownie and sent me a pic, half of it was in celebration for my birthday and the rest for Iran. I accepted!

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So what happened on the 15th of July 2015? Well I had to back to back classes at HAP, and an exam in the second class. Was I prepared? Umm…No! I had missed three very crucial classes cos of the Chennai trips in the past two weeks, so I was lagging behind. However the exam went pretty fine and the whole day went in that. I did like the fact that my “new” year started off in a good tone, day 1 of the 27th year of life defined my life. I identify myself as a student for life, so Wednesday was a very good day.

After class I stopped at Archie’s to pick up a birthday card for myself from my daughter and also a mug. She’s too young to pick cards and presents, so I did it. One day she shall haul in a section at a shop count her pocket money and buy me a card or present. I shall patiently wait for that day. That day would definitely be special.

Reached at me paternal aunts place at around 9:30ish, had dinner, made the daughter sign the cards (yes I picked two, cos they were just too good). My younger paternal uncle and aunt had bought a cake, which I cut and the drill happened. Yummy cake, and when I reached home, I saw a present from them too! and it was the sweetest thing ever!

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16th July I threw a dinner for me girl friends. Haiking is my favourite restaurant in Hyderabad. I can eat their noodles, every single day. So it only fit that I treat me friends for a dinner there, and guess who joined? The Batool! The idea was to introduce me friends to each other, since they’re all from different parts of me life, and since I can remember, I always went to Haiking (Himayatnagar), and wanted to host my own dinner for friends at the round table. It was a dream of mine to have 8 friends, whom I could chill with. And it happened, even though 2 of them couldn’t make it. Two chairs empty but the heart is full with love!

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Got a pretty pink bag, I would not have dared to ever buy a pink bag, so it’s good to get presents that push me to try new things, and lovely bag has a long strap, I am into sling bags, plus the size is perfect (not too big not too small). A voucher from shoppers stop also awaits to be used! Thank you guys!

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It was a lovely birthday, felt very loved. Thank you all for the wishes. Eid post coming up next!

Really, What is lonely?

Probably the most difficult feelings to feel; loneliness. It’s one thing to want quiet time, alone time, a break from everyone, and it’s a whole different scene when you feel lonely, in your heart. That’s why there’s marriage, for companionship, however I have noticed the most lonely, helpless people to be those who are “happily” married. I am not anti marriage, I am pro marriage like proper! It saddens me when people who are lonely, with  partner for life, consider themselves “happy” or define their marriage as “successful”. They project marriage in a negative light too.

Number of years do not project success of a marriage, the happiness, contentment, non-lonely feelings do. Human beings can believe the most hideous form of illogical rubbish if it’s drilled enough in their head. Which is why Indian people or at-least the ones I have been exposed to value marriage so much, but don’t even know what the purpose of it is. And the worst is they stick to it because that’s what they’ve been taught to be the right thing, lonely married people are the worst at giving advice, especially if they haven’t accepted that their marriage is crappy. This false believe, delusional living, lonely hearts, living with each other for purposes beyond my comprehension are basically just weak, conforming to notions of society, culture, and random people.

Lonely isn’t not being married, lonely is the feeling you get when you truly are looking for another human to share your every day with, and reciprocate the same. Lonely can happen with 25 yrs of marriage, it truly can.

It’s ironic that people celebrate their wedding anniversaries when they’re not happily married. Truth doesn’t become non-existent just because you refuse to admit it! ups and down are part and parcel of every area of our life not just marriage, jobs, education, career, children, health all will have ups and downs, what is supposed to make it bearable is faith in your creator and that special person who eases the pain. With whom it’s all hopeful. Someone to rely on, someone with whom you belong and are appreciated, someone who doesn’t make you feel lonely.

Do not expect…But why?

There’s an advice that goes around and a lot of people like it. Some things sound great on face value, they may be like the ultimate solutions to all your existing and non existent problems, but in this particular advice I beg to differ, BIG TIME.

I have been told this, I have heard other people say it to others, and It made sense to me too for a very little while. Do not expect!, then you won’t be disappointed. Well, here’s what I say, do not have unrealistic expectations, but for SURE keep expectations from people. It is important for us to do that so that we understand that we are supposed to not live a selfish life.

I keep expectations from myself, my colleagues, my friends, family everyone. Because we as human beings are required to live in harmony with each other. If we keep no expectations, we give full power to people to do whatever they want, we don’t bind them by love or acceptance. I have little to no expectations from strangers, but people that are significant to me are not strangers, and shouldn’t have to live like they can not care about me or what I feel I deserve from them.

It’s wrong to let people live without expectations on them, it’s wrong for us too, only when we keep expectations do we strive at any relationship. You just have to have the clarity between realistic and unrealistic expectations, because in the end it’s about pushing ourselves and others to become better people, the best versions of ourselves. And what’s better? When you expect, and that person breaks your trust and expectations, you know they’re not right for you, and that they don’t deserve your dedication. As opposed to the people with whom you are choosing to be a pushover, because you didn’t direct them or inform them of your expectations.

“Do not expect, you won’t be disappointed”, is like saying “don’t write the exam, you won’t fail!”

So here’s to anyone who tells you don’t expect! let’s be practical, it’s not an advice, it’s a recipe for doormat disaster.

WOM: Posts thus far Part 1

Hello Mommies I had mentioned a previous blog post that I have started writing at World of Moms. I recommend all mommies to join WOM if you haven’t already. I have written 4 posts thus far and was wondering how I could I organise and share them with all of you readers who may not be on the website . So I decided to share the links of 4 or 5 posts when they’re published here all together in one post. So it’s easier for me to keep track and convenient for all you mommies to read up.

So here’s my first installment and the following are my posts:

1. Talking Divorce with your child .Books can help

2. Routine Building

3. The student Mommy

4. Book Overview: None the Number by Oliver Jeffers

I hope you enjoy reading the above posts, do leave your suggestions in the comments below and share the love..

What do I do? Introducing 'The 24 hour hussle'

I have always been a keen observer, and try to draw as many lessons as I can from not just my own experiences in life but also from those of others. There’s always a phase where certain wisdom is relevant over other. I call my recent discovery ‘the 24 hour hustle’. The interesting aspect of this theory is that it can be used in an humorous sence, it’s a multifaceted.

I have a very busy life, like any other mother on the planet. I however have been told by several people on several occasions “how do you manage so many things, especially with a child”. And while ‘where there is a will, there is a way’ applies here 100%, it is also the realisation that there are only 24 hours in a day, and this fact can be viewed with ‘glass half full, half empty’ perspective.

‘The 24 hour husstle’ is a way to keep myself motivated, the more I am able to accomplish in a day the more I learn

about the audacity of those 24 hours. There will be lazy days no doubt, but a recent introspection has helped me conclude that I have a tendency to work like crazy, and then just want to not even get out of the house. I don’t know if it’s the healthiest way to function, but it works for me. I shall clear at this point that I don’t usually have the luxury to take a break as often as I want or need. The more work you have on hand, the more productive you are and the more exhausted you will get. And that’s a fact, and with people like me the amount of work only increases. I have to admit though, I wasn’t as open initially. Around 5 years ago, I didn’t know I had this capacity. It’s only after having Batool that I realised that I needed to have more in my life to prove to myself and also to be a good role model to Batool and all other young moms out there. Being a mother shouldn’t and doesn’t stop you from achieving any goals, if anything it will motivate you. This is subject to how driven you are and your personality. The bottom line being; you are a human being before you are anyones anything.

So what is it that I do on a regular basis? The following are a regular part of my life apart from being a mother:

1. Studying

2. Blogging (my blog and other freelance blogging)

3. Job

4. Teaching at my Sunday school

5. Running my Sunday school

6. Volunteering and doing community service (this is rather random in terms of institution and type of work)

And this schedule is about to get crazy after my present holiday. Starting June I am going to have a 6 day working week. By that I don’t been I will be at my job for 6 days, but that the many things I do will take up 6 days of the week, and that one day “off” will be to get organised and catch up on left over work. This is me looking at the glass half full with my 24hours.

This way of life really helps you become productive, and automatically omits things that you don’t truly value. Your mind will make you conscious of the number of hours left, and you will prioritise, organise accordingly and realise that many things you held as “important” aren’t really that significant to you.

There will always be people who will demotivate you, or make you feel like you’re wasting time or are not that interesting anymore. Most of these people are lazy 😉 Trust me on that. They can’t understand the ‘why’ behind working hard. And there’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. I do come across days where the physical, emotional and mental exhaustion takes a toll, and I just want to hide somewhere, be surrounded by white and silence, but that’s all part of the hassle and is a tiny phase, if anything it will increase your strength.

It is important to surround yourself by people who appreciate you, and your work. This is a very important factor, you have to also know what helps you unwind, it would be a day out with friends, a book, a chill movie, a quiet few minutes, writing a diary etc. could be anything, but it has to be time efficient. You can’t spend more hours unwinding than being productive.

I have decided to work on a new agenda, ie to sleep less, I want to gradually bring it to 5 hours, and maybe a power nap of 15 mins (if needed) and eating less. This will be a simultaneous work on self-control that I am looking forward to, plus the reduced hours of sleep will “increase” the number of hours for being productive.

In the past three years, I have experienced a great sense of accomplishment and confidence from my multitasking routine. I have discovered my love for hardwork, not just for myself but in others. I admire people with a ‘no nonsense’ attitude, who have a focus each and everyday. I aspire to be that person, there’s only 24 hours that we get each day, precious 24 hours and how dare we waste them?

I have a new sense of appreciation for people with drive. Those who aspire to do something with the skills they have been gifted, and I don’t mean this in the career aspect, just as human beings. Only those who have discovered the potential in their personalities can truly be productive on a regular basis. We come across so many talented people who are not contributing to the world in anyway. If that person is you, wake up, and do what you need to, because it’s your right. With all this appreciation comes low tolerance for laziness. An aversion to those who spread the vibe of nothingness. It comes with the mind-set I guess.

What are your thoughts? (Comment, share, like)

A little bit of fantasy (Maybe WE can stop time)

Music isn’t my thing but there’s a particular song that’s making me smile a lot these days. I am in that phase in life where I guess many moms get into where you want to be stupid, and think about things that are impossible. But it’s that element of broadening your thoughts, that makes you smile. Anyway, I’m sure I’m being rather weird….Here’s the song, it’s by a youtuber. I like his other song ‘once in a lifetime’ it’s well written and light.

This is ‘Stop time’ by Landon Austin

The lyrics are fun, well written, young, refreshing, flirty and have an empowering fantasy element to them.

Apart from the chorus above, my favourite lines from the song include ‘Let’s be fearless baby, lets be free’. So liberating! I am full on into making my happiness a priority at this point in my life.

Let me know if you enjoy the above song in the comments below…