Playing the victim

I am only 27 years of age. Sometimes when we get into the true adult struggles at a young age, we tend to start feeling like we’ve seen it all. I have to remind myself that there’s much more to learn, this reality especially strikes when my husband tells me that the world isn’t as simple as I look at it. And well while it is difficult to hear those words, I have learned to accept it, because it is the truth.
There have been various experiences I have been through, till date I have gotten married twice, had multiple miscarriages, a pre-term baby, co-founded a non-profit organisation, worked and volunteered, and now growing my family with my husband. There have been problems, and being an observant and empathetic person I always tried to put myself in the shoes of others and be forgiving. But that doesn’t work for all, not all the people are deserving of that. And now I have learned to draw boundaries. I have explored my personality strengths, both in my professional and personal life. I have discovered many characteristics about myself that I need to love and respect, and several I need to work on and eventually let go of. One of the major lessons I have learnt is that there’s always scope to grow, and the right people will bring out the good in you, and help you work on the not-so-good bits about yourself. These people are the ones who are worthy of patience, care, empathy and love.

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What’s the purpose of this post? Well, I wanted to discuss a classic characteristic of people I have come across- Victimizing yourself. The people who just won’t accept their fault, and their ego is too big to accept any weakness in themselves, and when they know they’re wrong, they turn to playing the victim. Blaming you for the problems you are in and they are in as well, instead of owning it. You may have come across such people in your life. What I have observed is such people tend to become the way they are due to backing from their parents, family or friends. Poor parenting results in irresponsible children, who just refuse to take ownership of the rubbish they have created, they also tend to be liars, lazy, selfish, and inconsiderate. If you’re a sensitive or naïve person you will very easily fall into the trap, and start feeling like the problem, because of their skills in playing victim. They do it with confidence BTW.
Fact is, when it’s a stranger you will behave differently, but when your own friends or family are like this you tend to be more forgiving and hence are taken for granted. This is where the damage on you starts while the other person just enjoys the attention and pampering. Anything wrong that happens becomes your fault by default. Point to remember here is; you are strong and don’t need to manage anyone’s rubbish. I learned this the hard way. In the end it’s a logical discussion to have in your mind, take a deep breath and be sure of yourself, be rational in analyzing the scenario and try to see from a third persons eye if it truly is your fault. And don’t worry about how elder or younger the person is, if they’re wrong they’re wrong. You need not be their ego polisher, that’s not our job on earth.

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A recent experience just boiled my blood, and I for the first time stood my ground and didn’t give in to the emotional manipulation. Makes me feel so strong it’s indescribable. Experiences mold us, but we can choose to change our reactions to every situation, see what works best for us. As human beings we have a natural pre-disposition to gravitate to goodness. Let’s liberate ourselves from the negative people in it who unfortunately walk the earth. And make sure we aren’t contributing more of such types, through strong parenting.
Be strong, be right!

 

Diaper dreams- Gender-specific diapers from Huggies

There is not end to ‘new and improved’ in the world we live in. Huggies has launched their gender specific pant-style diapers in Hyderabad. It took me some exploration to get to them, and while there’s still time for the diaper days to begin again for me, it was nice sharing my experience on world of moms.

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Catch the blogpost here. Leave comments with your experience/excitement for the gender diapers below and share the love….

 

 

Himalaya Refreshing baby soap Review

The essential ingredient for a bath- Soap! Himalaya sent the refreshing baby soap for oily skin to me, and I have been super late on this post as confessed before, so without further delay, we shall acquaint ourselves with the product.

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The soap is meant for oily skin, however I do not understand if babies or even children have a skin type that early. I guess they’re trying to target skin that needs moisture without any oil ingredients. This soap contains watermelon, khus-khus and neem. It has been clinically tested and is hypoallergenic. They describe the soap on the package in three terms ‘pure, mild and safe’. All of these are very important for babies. The soap is also free from parabens, animal fats and synthetic colours.

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Packaging wise it’s the same as any Himalaya baby soap, inside the card box, the soap is safe in a plastic cover. The soap itself is white in colour, but as soon as you unwrap it, you can smell the fragrance. I like this because my daughter isn’t a baby, and for a 6 year old, a soap that smells refreshing, yet not perfumed is great. As babies turn into toddlers and into little children, the soap requires a little more than just cleaning.  On the package the soap is described as follows:‘Mild and soothing soap that helps the baby’s skin cool and fresh while cleansing it gently. Enriched with: Watermelon, helps cool and condition the skin; Khus-Khus, helps keep the skin fresh, and Neem helps provide skin protection.’

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I like how Himalaya educates the parents on what exactly is the effect of each of the ingredient on their baby’s skin. It is very important for educated parents to not just know the contents but also how they help their child. Since they have a variety of soaps, one can make a sound decision on what their baby’s skin needs.

The directions for use are as any soap, this soap lathers well, and it’s not a soapy lather rather a creamy lather. This soap can safely be used on the face as well. Usually baby soaps tend to melt away even when not used, just in the moisture of the air. But this one stays put. It’s creamy when applying but doesn’t melt away as other soaps do. The package that was sent to me was of 125g, and retails for Rs.55. The 75 gm pack is also available, however the prices seem to be higher than the MRP online, so you may want to keep that in check. The product is safe to use within 3 years of manufacturing.

So what is the verdict? The soap is great; it can be used for children as well because the smell is nice and refreshing and yet not overpowering. I would recommend purchasing the 125g pack, as there is no fear of soap melting. The only downside of the product or rather the packaging of the product is that; there are too many important facts on there. One side the content is vertical and on the other it’s horizontal, even then it looks cluttered, as someone who would be out in the supermarket buying; I’d get a little confused. I understand all of these facts are important, but probably the display or design could change. I love the purple and the little baby in the Himalaya Baby Care logo. A simpler, bullet design would maybe serve the purpose of noting the clinical facts, ingredients, the purpose etc. But then again that’s just my opinion; maybe most people don’t even bother with staring at the packaging, just rip and get the product out 🙂 Overall I liked the product and would give it a 5/5 based on its quality and fulfilling all that it’s meant to.

Have you tried this soap? What has been your experience?

2016 is about priorities

It’s a new year, a chance for us to make new amends, change our point of you, just feel like some mercy is on you. For me this year is about prioritising and being reasonable. As a parent is is especially difficult to put yourself anywhere in the top 10priority list. It is a fact. We always put the needs of everyone else ahead of our own.

This is something that has been engraved in our minds and heart, to the point where we lose our own identity as soon as we give birth. It’s difficult to snap out of this zone. It is hence very important to just make a list of what you want for yourself this year, for your child/family. Where do you want yourself to be in the end of 2016. Bottom line is, if you’re happy, everyone around you will by default be happy.

For me this is the direction, no matter anyone says, all I will focus on is my priorities, and focus all my energies into that. Moving forward is crucial, no matter how many years it would take for you to attain your end goals.

What are your priorities?

 

 

Himalaya baby lotion review

Himalaya baby care sent their lotion for review couple weeks ago. This is not a new product to me; I have been using it since Batool was a baby. Now she’s all grown up to use it on her own

So let’s talk about the product shall we?

I was sent the 100ml bottle (MRP 80) of the baby lotion, it comes in the classic Himalaya baby products packaging, white bottle, green cap.

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I am not a fan of the lid cap. It dispenses product evenly, no doubt, but it’s not the best quality. For a lotion which is going to be used every day sometimes multiple times a day, the lid has to be strong. While this is a small bottle, I have experienced that the snap up lid actually breaks off because of poor quality, or becomes loose and doesn’t close easily.

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The product smells great (more about that later) and has those herbal ingredients that make all Himalaya products special. The bottle mentions the following compositions to the product; Almond oil for restoring the skins moisture, Olive oil which helps in improving skins lustre, Yashtimadhu and Country Mallow for giving the soothing sensation to the skin. The products does do all of the mentioned. And instructions of application are simple, and I must say the product works best post shower. It seems deep into the skin and you can make the most of the product.

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Consistency wise, the product is perfect, I have noticed that baby lotions tend to be runny, which is just not practical when applying to little babies, especially when they’re 6 months or so and turning over. You want a moisturizer that has thick enough to be applied evenly all over the skin, and liquid enough to seep in quickly. Because of its perfect consistency, you can control how much product is dispensed out of the bottle. Also, this fact has made me confident to even give the bottle to my daughter when she got a little older to use on her own, sure there was mess, but not because the product was oozing out of the bottle.

The soothing, refreshing smell, compliments babies and even children, I have used it several times to remove makeup, or as a body moisturizer, the Himalaya products have a unique herbal yet light scent that is exclusive to their brand.

Overall I believe the 100ML packaging is a great start for testing the product yourself if you’re intrigued. The product does the job for the money you pay for it, and a little product goes a long way. The only issue I have with the product is the lid! And hence I give it a 4/5.

What have been your experiences with the baby lotion?

Let’s celebrate Passing the HAP course!

I finished my course at HAP!! Yayii!. Received the certificate of the same on Saturday 12th, And boy was that day hectic. I know what you’re thinking! I constantly talk about my busy schedules, I am sure it’s getting monotonous at this point. Keeping this in mind I shall move on to what I wanted to actually write about. I treated myself with some online shopping.

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Note the excitement on the daughters face! That’s just ‘zoom into pricelessness moment’ She was roaring “Yayiiiii”

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Appreciating oneself is a habit I am still developing, but when I found out that I was actually truly passing I had this intense feeling of treating myself. All the hard work, running around, studying, maintaining sanity while balancing the many responsibilities that I did, I just had to acknowledge my efforts. The icing on the cake was that I topped the last exam which was a paper submission! Felt great, that sense of accomplishment I have never felt, never topped anything! hehe

Anyway so this is what I did, I bought some make-up, a wallet, and shoes (which are on the way).

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The experience of the course was great, in one word I would describe the course ‘insightful’ apart from the academic learning that took place you really do get to explore yourself, and become more aware of your behaviour and that of others. I have met some really special people, from various walks of life, women who inspire me and will continue to be part of my life. Even though I didn’t perform to my potential, there’s a lot I have learned to do better in the future in other ventures in my life.

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Dr.Diana is a great teacher, and an inspiring role model, for her high ethical standards of practice, passion for her field, and the unconditional positive regard she gives to us as her students. I highly recommend this course for all students who are in the field of psychology to broaden their view of the field, and get exposure to new thinking and learning.

The next target is to wind up my PGDiploma from IHMH. That should be a call for another mini shopping spree I guess!

An update in pictures

I have ideas, and think ‘oh I should blog about this!’ and then that mental note remains just that-a mental note.

Days have been flying by, and I have not changed, keep piling up more things to my schedule. It will take me a lot of time to truly make my mind stop rationalising a mad schedule for myself.

Anyway, I was taking pics, and while they may not be super interesting, it will make up a decent enough blog post for you guys. Some thing is better than nothing, isn’t it?

Took quite a few selfies;

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Captured some moments of the daughter enjoying at the play area at school;

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Got her a haircut on Guru Nanak Jayanti holiday on Wed! Oh how this one enjoys them….

Admired her sleeping…..It’s actually therapeutic, I always imagine what she must be dreaming about. When she was little she would smile in her sleep…

 

Admired the greenery at school…I spend so much time in my room with students counseling all day, I didn’t notice the lovely green plants all over the entrance. Had to take pics!

Did some colouring, trying to find things to relax me, getting out of the house is not a ready option. Plus my busy schedule doesn’t allow me to be able to do that. My HAP course ends in a week, I shall be having more time after that!

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I had ordered The Story of Psychology, after being reommendation by Dr.Diana Monteiro (My teacher at HAP), waiting to finish off with the David Sedaris book before I indulge into this.

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On Thursday Mir Imran the scientist visited the school to interact with our students. It was not my working day, and I just wanted to sleep in, had a few things on the agenda (I must admit), I somehow got myself to school and well, was inspired. The preceding day I had a ginormous mood swing, and desperately needed some inspiration. Was glad I attended the session, came to realise something crucial that has given me insight.

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Decorated Batools school binder. Feel like a proud mom! Loved using all the glitter, was so fun!

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Distributed inter-madrasa competition certificates to students on Sunday, below I give one to my daughter!

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Hmm, that’s about it….Probably will post a rambling post soon…..

What have you been upto?

 

Book Review: Sh*tty Mum

This is a must read for any mother. Gift it, share it, keep it in your collection. This book is an ultimate mood lifter for mother all over the world, goes belong culture boundaries, all you need is a sense of humor!

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Adding humor to life not only brightens your day but makes life simpler, as moms it’s always comforting to know that your struggle isn’t yours own, and that there are many other moms out there who’re facing the same challenges in parenthood. This book covers them all, with classy humor, abusive language, sarcasm, and touches on all forms of parenting a mother can take up!

I think it’s a great gift for a mommy friend you have. It’s written well, is a light read, and is sure to crack you up. I had tears in my eyes reading several pages, and I shall warn you, if in public places be ready to let out a louder than expected laugh, you just can’t see it coming. The humor is spread throughout the book, and is just refreshing.

A big thumps up for Sh”tty Mum!. Have you read it?

Himalaya Diaper Rash cream Review

The Himalaya Baby care team sent the diaper rash cream to me in the mail for review, and while I don’t have a kid, I thought let’s share it among my friends with babies to get some input.

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General Overview/Product description (as on the tube):
‘A specially formulated mild cream that treats rashes, inflammation and irritation caused due to rubbing of diapers against baby’s soft skin’
The essential ingredients in the product are described as; ‘Nirgundi extract relieves pain, Yashadha bhasma aids in healing the rashes, Aloe vera and almond oil soothe the skin’
Directions of use: ‘Apply on rashes and around the area where the edges of the diapers rub against the skin’
Review:
The tube I was sent is of Net wt. 50gms and retails at Rs.85. It’s a plastic tube with a screw on cap, nothing exciting about that. You simply have to remove the seal and squeeze out the product. The cream itself smells like their baby lotion, it doesn’t have any pungent herbal smell; it’s refreshing at the same time not very perfumed. The consistency of the cream is thick, so you won’t need a large quantity of application and absorbs into the skin quickly leaving it dry, which is great! last thing you want is your baby to feel wet or get the sensation of something being applied to their sensitive skin.

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My friend’s son was suffering from major diaper rash, and I gave it to her to use, and she was more than happy. The rash started to clear up after first application only, and within 2 days it was all gone. What is great about this particular cream is that it has so many moisturizing properties in it that you can apply it as a moisturizer too, instead of only when there’s a rash.
A little product goes a long way, which makes it very practical and affordable at the price point. It is readily available online, in medical stores and in the Himalaya stores across the country.
I would highly recommend this product to all mums, it’s a must have for every baby in the diaper phase. Diaper rashes can be daunting for the mother too, caring for an irritable child, is very difficult. Why not keep at bay the diaper rash horror with Himalaya!

Have you tried this diaper rash cream?

Randomness in pics

I had been taking pics over the past two weeks of what I am up to, and boy was I busy! So here’s a quick rundown of what I was upto:

Indulged in some proper junk post class on the way home…

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Magnums Chocolate truffle is the best

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Went to chennai to resolve university issues and write the practical exam

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Check out this cabs sticker at the airport! Hilarious!

IMG-20150703-WA0031View from the plane

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So glad to be part of the world when we’re technologically advanced enough to fly through clouds and view them like this! I wish I could live on clouds.

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Waited at the Chennai airport for good 4 hours before we were allowed to get in. They don’t have sufficient seating arrangements in the airport, which is super inconvenient for tourists/non residential travelers.

IMG-20150703-WA0033Received my re-issued passport!

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Worked like a maniac to complete the record, flew to Chennai again for it.

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New academic year at madrasa began! Was doing prep for it while in Chennai after classes.

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Liked the chandelier in the hotel, looks like falling stars…

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Saturday 11th July was a super busy day, had 9AM class at HAP secundrabad, then went for the SEN orientation at school. Followed by Iftar at my cousins fiances house.

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Batools class door, so cute

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Batool really enjoyed spending time with family, and I relaxed too, and even though it was a late Saturday, I was all prepped for another busy day at the madrasa.

Quite a bit of regular homework coming in PP2 she’s finally gotten settled into the class and is coping up okay.

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As for the coming days, I have an exam on Wed, a target submission of assignments on 30th, group counseling sessions at school, and may add spoken Arabic classes to the list after Eid 🙂

The birthday month started off very hectic, planning for a dinner out with my gal pals on Thurs! Looking forward to just relaxing and enjoying the company of young, spirited women who keep me sane.