What makes us who we are?

Here’s a thought that always occurs in my head. As human beings we are constantly evolving, and with the increased influence of media we have become even more susceptible to change. Our experiences, our beliefs our values make up who we are. But how do you know what the future holds for you?

I am not the person I was when I was 18, in fact I see more change in me every other day. I can’t make out if it’s because I am willing to adapt, willing to absorb what’s around me and mold myself into that shape. I can’t make out if I was truly meant to be who I am today also. This is where I ask myself, really what is it that makes us who we are?

From my self-observation it has been the people around me. I am an extrovert, and opinions of people, their body language, their sense of interaction is not negligent to me. I am observant and being in the field of psychology, I people watch too. This year I decided to take control over what I become. Because I can’t control what’s around me, living or non-living. But I can try to keep a list of traits that I want to acquire and a list of those I want to let go of. And along the way if I find something interesting that adds to me, I shall grab it. That’s my motto now when it comes to personal growth.

It gets difficult with our mommy lives to be able to think about the ‘you’ that has been pushed aside, everything else comes before ‘you’ to the point that we start to become nonexistent to ourselves. That’s when the society, the people and ideologies around us attack our personalities, and take away some goodness from it. The areas that needed to grow, tend to get stuck, you become weak as a person. And that’s not good.

As a mother I have learned a lesson from all these floating thoughts about what really makes us who we are. And I am going to make sure Batool asks herself this question. Because that will force her to bring things into perspective, what am I and where should I be and how can I get there. The beauty of inner soul is that only you can control it, if you let go of being the boss of who you are, others will grab it, and then you”ll be like a puppet on strings.

Shedding the weight

For the longest time I was that mother who looked around at other cousins who got pregnantDSC02175 around the same time as me and were back in shape in just a year. The first birthday of their child and they’re looking glam, like nothing even happened. Even though I don’t believe that one needs to become a certain shape or size by the end of their childs first year, I do like the possibility of someday, being the old you. I went through the period where I didn’t want to get out of the house because of how fat I got and how I just couldn’t relate to this person that I had become.

Needless to say I have struggled and still have difficulty losing the weight. But lately I have motivated myself to stick to some sort of work out instead of only watching the diet. I don’t lose weight untill i really move and I always knew that, but I wanted result in the first session. This time my body has responded well. After four years of my daughter being born, I am close to my target pre-baby weight. Close as in I still have easily 10kgs to go. Just so you know I went from a 53kgs to 85kgs in having Batool, this was also because she was an IUGR baby, and I was on house arrest basically post delivery, as she needed the special preemie care. The only going out I did was hospital and doctor visits. And I am not joking about that.

I just wanted to share the videos that I have been working out to, that have worked for me. Let’s get started!

1. Cafe moms 30 min cardio- This was my first, and initially I couldn’t even do the basic knee raise, but now I am able to get through the whole video. I skip the boxing (it’s boring), and the mountain climbers. I substitute the mountain climbers with a similar exercise in the 2nd video. I try to not strain my lower back as it is weak, and I have mild scoliosis.

2. Fitness Blender- 37 min cardio- This video is a great motivator, I noticed the various jumping jack exercises did great fat burning for me. I could notice a difference after every workout. I sometimes did the first few sets after the exercise in the above video. The time graph gets you all motivated and the calorie count too is very encouraging

3. Jessica smith tv 8 min legs- I have to say these exercises looked so easy breezy when I saw the video, but then doing them they will kill you. I do these toward the end right before cool down.

I have understood and accepted that working out has to become part of your life-style not just a reason to weight loss. And I love it, it relieves me of all the stress i pile up. And I am making sure I don’t push myself into an unreasonable routine of working out every single day of the week. For me twice or thrice a week is manageable. And whatever weight I lose in that is fine, it will take time, but I’m in no hurry.

Have you tried any of the above videos or have suggestions? Leave them below in the comments…..And let me know if these work out for you….. Healthy mommy =Happy mommy!

What mothers can do, in an unsafe country like India

I have been through a roller-coaster of emotions and thoughts since the rape and molestation cases in India have been the buzz. I am not talking about any particular case, all rapes are wrong, there aren’t levels to it. All types of physical molestation are wrong, no matter which part of the body is involved.

I always try to look for solutions and ways of being pro-active. It is important to me that all femaleĀ  humans of India keep aside their aspirations, and desires and chose to be safe than sorry. Because in the end of the day, it we who are going to be exploited. Till a change comes in this country it’s all about being safe and not raising your voice for small skirts, late nights and drunken nightlife. We have to be educated and practical.

No one is guaranteeing a change right now, not even the women. But as mothers there are several things we can do.

1. Mentor your son– In India women are treated as a liability. This thought process is most commonly seen amongst women, women are the worst enemies of women here. When the women themselves are projecting themselves and their daughters and other women in general as inferior, or as a pain or liability, then the boys/men are sent the message of ‘ go ahead and dominate all you want’. Accept it, we are at fault here. As mothers it’s important to make sure that your sons especially, know that women are human beings just like them, they are important, they are equal, they have feelings and need to be treated with respect NO MATTER WHAT. The reason why men are able to grope, or rape, or tease or molest is because they have been taught from the very beginning that the woman is a slave for the world. And women enticing men on bilboards, and movies isn’t helping either. It sends the message that woman are willing to ‘bear all’ for money and to entertain the men, and let’s not be hypocritical here. Denial isn’t getting us out of rape nation. Raise boys to become men of honour, who can create a safe environment, who respect, value and protect women.

2. Communicate with your schools– Yes!, the school, get involved, ask your school if they’re having any program for students about ‘good touch/bad touch’. Are the boys and girls being educated about basic morals of physical conduct and boundaries. Compel them to conduct such workshops at-least once and year, and have class teachers remind students about these concepts in class regularly.

3. Educate yourself– There are workshops and seminars conducted for school faculties AND parents on this topic. Go with your husband, call your friend mommies, expose yourself to the psychology and thought process behind these happenings. Learn about the symptoms, signs, and experiences of the victims. Learn how to communicate with your children, figure out how you can discuss these issues openly in your circle of family and friends and come up with solutions. Don’t chose to be ignorant about it, don’t blame the victim and think you’re safe. Advice your childs school to actively participate in such workshops, or I would suggest change the school to one that cares about your child!

4. Communicate with your kids– Keep a healthy communication with your children girls AND boys. Make them comfortable enough to be able to tell you anything and everything. Make sure you teach them aboutĀ  physical boundaries, what is expected out of them in terms of conduct with the opposite gender, at school or otherwise. Build trust, tell them you won’t be judgmental, that you’ll always support them. Make sure you know who they hang out with, monitor their television, cell phone and internet usage. Remember that you’re the adult, and how positively you project adulthood will reflect in your childs enthusiasm in growing up and being one him/herself. Speak to them about good and bad touch, there are books available online to buy, visit a library, ask your school counselor to help you out. There are videos also on YouTube that can be a great aid to this communication. There’s no excuse, your resistance is going to turn into regret, if you don’t take responsibility as the adult.

5. Better safe than sorry– Make this your motto. There are many things in life we want to do, but we don’t because of a variety of reasons. The same goes with your wants to wear certain clothes, speak a certain way, live a certain lifestyle etc. just like the many things you compromise, compromise a little on this for YOUR OWN safety. Reality check: we’re not living in a perfect world. Maybe in the future there will be a time where women will feel safe wearing anything they fancy, doing anything they fancy, at any time of the day. Hopefully that day will come. But till then it’s better to be safe. Carry a can of pepper spray, it’s 100% legal, be ready to knock anyone out, you have all right to protect yourself. Mentally prepare yourself and your daughters to be safe, and this will automatically reduce the fear that we are carrying around on a regular basis. The fear is not only there because men with ugly souls are around us, the fear is also there because we know we aren’t prepared enough. The fear is there because somewhere our poor parenting is resulting in such men also.

Please be proactive, leave comments below, start a discussion, voice your opinions, share your thoughts and knowledge on such issues. Be an educated, proactive and safe mom.

Hello and introduction

Hello all you hardworking, tired, frustrated, exhausted, multitasking moms out there! I am here to remove the lonely feeling that comes being part of the madness called motherhood.DSC01998

There are good days and bad days, and well, we have a task to keep our heads above the water and not lose our own identity in the process of attaining perfection. Welcome to my blog, let’s have a conversation, share our experiences and spread the love of motherhood, Hyderabadi style.

This blog is all about being a mom in India; specifically in Hyderabad. We have our own issues, our own fun times and our own little world. I will be sharing motherhood advice, education tips and tricks, fashion information etc. and all in all keep you updated and in tune with the you, that has maybe got lost.

Have fun and happy reading moms! you deserve the best!